Thursday, December 22, 2005

Reasons why.....

...workers should not be made to work right up until Christmas:

They write holiday poetry on the flip charts
More than usual they forward stupid little email chains
They force the wierd cookies their spouses have made on you
They all have the weird Jack Nicolson crazy look from the Shining
They whine about not winning the plasma tv door prize at their spouses company party

Seriously the productivity or lack there of isn't worth it....MORE VACATION FOR ALL!

Brought to you by the letter X, as in X-mas

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Just a tinge

The nice thing about getting grey hair semi young is that initially people just think it's blond highlights. "Oh have you highlighted your hair it looks great!" "No no this is all natural baby"

Monday, December 19, 2005


It's not that I don't notice people being inconsiderate during other times of the year, but the holidays for some reason seem to bring out the worst in people or so it seems. Maybe my patience is just a little lower during this time of the year. Whatever the reason I just can't help but notice the new member of the aerobics class who acts like she owns the place with her 6 foot frame crowding the rest of us to the outskirts of the room. Or the psychoicness of the need to claim parking spaces 6 months in advance. Or the simple thoughtlessness of not picking up after yourself....even though you think "eh someone else will do it." Yes someone else will do it but they shouldn't HAVE to do it. What's wrong with you people...get over yourself and be kinder damnit....

And if you don't remember here's a reminder from "The Little Pink Book of Ettiquette":

1. Focus on Others. It's not about you.
2. Think before you act
3. Think before you speak
4. Wait your turn
5. Listen when others speak
6. Pick up after yourself.
7. Assist those in need
8. Respect people who are different from you
9. Be patient and kind
10. Smile

Now I know even myself am no champion of these 10 things...but there is nothing wrong with constantly trying....

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

It's 4:54 am do you know where you are?

The correct response of course would be the jungle....but personally I'm sitting in bed...awake....

This seemingly has become a theme for me the last 5 or so nights, I start coughing around 2am, get up around 2:30am. I think about going back to sleep until 3am. Coughing some more, and finally signing onto a computer somewhere to write some way past due emails. I've noticed that if awake enough I can get alot done at 4am. 28 emails to be exact. Infact I'd almost say some of my best work, but then again who's to judge 4am work anyway. This post for example while I will continue to babble on for atleast another sentence or 2 or won't be any great work of art...just some drivel...with alittle more drivel, topped with some drivel.

See who needs drugs with a personality like this I ask.

Say goodnight Sam. Goodnight Sam.

Friday, December 02, 2005

The way I see it...

We on earth are slowly falling into the sun on our decaying orbit....and if we don't decay completely, eventually the sun will grow to encompass us.

So the way I see it is, why bother with a tombstone? Although it kinda sucks for those people you seriously didn't want to be creamated.

Just curious....

*Thanks to Jackie for verifying a few scientific techincal details

Thursday, November 10, 2005

They irony of getting older

"Usually life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop to look around once in awhile you could miss it." ~ Ferris Bueller

I had a moment this morning where everything slowed down, for a brief 3 minutes. My life was in slow motion as I walked through the double doors into work, sporting my wool/cashmere blend coat, and a rage against the machine cd....hmm....yea....I'm getting older.

Oh how life changes when you can afford things.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Just an observation

They play a lot of Led Zepplin in New England.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Remind me

Not to take the red-eye back from California, even if I did have a fabulously long and great weekend.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005


Someday my heart will grow so cold it will collapse within me.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Test 1-2-3

In a pursuit to take better care of myself , I've been working on taking better care of my fingernails. I know maybe that sounds alittle odd. It's not that I bite them or chew on them or that they necessarily look bad, but I am certainly not gentle in using my hands for everything! I know it's hard to believe, using hands.....

Anyway, I had enacted big nail plans today, nails brushed, cuticles pushed back, cleaned and finally polished to help with both growth and protection. I was feeling great not just over my little stride in nail care but in my general accomplishments and high spirits over the weekend as well as perserverance through a previous stressful week. Things were going good....and then....

I walked happily out of Whole Foods threw my healthy hippie groceries in the back seat and turned the key on my car....nothin. My car was dead. Of course I immediately went through the whole list of people I knew that would be willing to help me out. I hate asking people for help, there is something innate in me that feels guilty to rely on people, but of course I was going to have to rely on someone. I tried my roommate first, but no answer. So rather than decide what to do next I called my mother. Not that she could help me from 2300 miles away but hey it was atleast a way to push out the stress, and maybe just maybe get alittle motherly sympathy. Which is exactly what I got, and by the time she was done listing out all the scenarios for me my roommate was home and able to come help me out.

There is nothing more aggravating than car troubles. For me it pretty much killed all of the tasks I had planned to get done today outside of the house and push them all into the week. Oh well. Oh and I did remove my own battery, buy another one and install much for the nails. One day I will win!! ;-)

Sunday, September 25, 2005


In the Old Navy dressing room:

Daughter to Mother: These make me look short
Mother to Daughter: You are short.

Nothing like your own mother to keep things in perspective.

Friday, September 16, 2005

I'm just sayin

On the way in this morning I saw a duely truck advertising "Old World Construction". Sort of common around here to see trucks like that adverstising their small buisnesses.

On this specific truck, the owner had his name printed:
Murdock J. Mackenzie 3rd
Ok so I think if you're pompous enough to announce that you are thrice the generation of your family name, AND you run a company with the name "Old World" in it. That mayperhaps you should print your name as follows:
Murdock J. Mackenzie III
What does "3rd" tell me, that you're alittle more common man than "III"? I'm just sayin, but hey the guy drives a duley, we'll just chalk it up to being a redneck...

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Bird by bird

"Thirty years ago my older brother, who was ten years old at the time, was trying to get a report on birds written that he'd had three months to write. [It] was due the next day. We were out at our family cabin in Bolinas, and he was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder, paper, and pencils and unopened books on birds, immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead. Then my father sat down beside him, put his arm around my brother's shoulder and said 'Bird by bird buddy. Just take it bird by bird.'" -- From the Book Bird by Bird by AnnLamott

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

School's out forever

I'm guessing here as in most of the country kids have gone back to school. I don't have any kids myself to verify this, but I think the long lines of kids loitering on the street early in the morning and the big yellow buses driving all over everywhere are a good indication.

Since moving I've found that I now commute to work on one particular school bus route, which I've come actually to find quite entertaining. The bus that I always seem to catch at the right time, stops at two places along my commute. The first stop is an apartment complex. I didn't know they allowed so many children to live in apartment complexes, I'd almost be willing to bet there is some sort of underground smuggling at this particular place if my rational mind and caffeine didn't take over. Anyway this is an interesting group of children, mostly girls, including a set of twins. Every morning as they walk away from their mothers standing in there in mismatched pajamas and flip flops (I could be a mother btw just on this description alone), with looks of "thank god" on their face, the little girls wave back to their mothers, almost walking backwards most of the time, they wave and wave and wave and wave. It's almost like they are getting on the titanic and will never be seen again type wave. Soon after, however, it is apparent that their very own mothers are forgotten as they hold hands and skip down the aisle of the bus, to crowd together and talk about whatever exciting things little girls talk about these days.

The second stop is outside of a house, not but 1/2 mile down the road. Now, why this particular child can't hike it down to the apartment complex bus stop, I do not know. But when I was a kid....well you get the picture. This kid I think is my favorite morning entertainment so far. I've been on this commute/bus route for about a week now and everytime we come to the house, the exact same thing happens. (Maybe next week I can get the kid to pick out some lottery numbers for me since he is so predictable) This slight blond haired gangly little boy with his big spiderman backpack walks down the driveway with his mother. His mother is always well dressed, seemingly on her way to work soon after I assume. Anyway, every day this little boy walks confidently with his mother down the long drive way to the awaiting school bus doors. He usually takes one step into the bus, and then begins the tantrum. We're talking flailing arms, and crying, and screaming (I can't ever hear the screaming over the loud Sinead O'Conor I have blasting, but I can certainly see the kids tonsels). I'm sure his mother would like nothing less but to beat this child into submission, but I suppose one has to respect the innocence of the other children already on the bus. So after about 3 minutes of a tantrum, arms and legs failing, sitting down on the ground, mighty spiderman backpack deflated, his mother picks him up and drags him back to the house, perhaps to ensue beating behind close doors I'm not sure, but the kid always seems relieved not to have to get on the bus, and walks head held high in defiance back to the house.

Ah childhood, it's days like this that I miss it. I wish that I too could walk up to the mighty doors of work, throw my badge down, cry and scream, and flail, and squash my texas longhorn computer bag into the concrete. And that somehow my mother would magically appear, cover me in a james brownesqe cape, and walk me home. Ah well I suppose in all things there are repercussions, in the kids case, not being able to sit for a week, and in mine, not being allowed to sit for a week and collect a paycheck.

Oh the irony.

Thursday, September 08, 2005


Grass is always greener syndrome 1
The Sam 0

Monday, September 05, 2005

For the pessimist and protestant in all of us

Things to Think

Think in ways you've never thought before,
If the phone rings, think of it as carrying a message
Larger than anything you've ever heard,
Vaster than a hundred lines of Yeats.

Think that someone may bring a bear to your door,
Maybe wounded and deranged; or think that a moose
Has risen out of the lake, and he's carrying on his antlers
A child of your own whom you've never seen.

When someone knocks on the door, think that he's about
To give you something large: tell you you're forgiven,
Or that it's not necessary to work all the time, or that it's
Been decided that if you lie down no one will die.

-Robert Bly

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Quiet as a mouse

My roomate is a teacher and has been off for most of the summer, he is also a light sleeper. So on most mornings I get up before him and quietly pack up all my stuff for the day, and tiptoe out the door. Well when I say tiptoe I mean, I carry my very loud healed shoes to the front door before putting them on. I even walk in the grass instead of our walkway to prevent echoing footsteps back into his bedroom windows.

Today was no different in my description, with the exception of one tiny TINY detail. This morning as I reached my car to unlock it with my handy dandy "remote unlocker", (Yes that's a technical term), I ever so quietly hit the panic button instead....

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*!!!!!!

Ah well so much for trying to be considerate.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Four men and a little lady

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Originally uploaded by whaala.
Recently I moved into a great house, with a great roomate, and well four teenage ninja.....turtle.....uh men... Um yea anyway, you're totally jealous I can FEEL it.

I've been in the house now about 4 weeks, and really I don't even notice them anymore. Only at night when I turn out the lights and the small little glow in the dark stars come to life to highlight their AWESOME weaponary!!

Who needs creativity when you have real life like this I ask you?

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Some Days

Some days you just feel awkward. Today I feel awkward.

Friday, August 12, 2005

What can brown do for you?

Make your day.

UPS guy: Sure is a nice cool day out there.
Me: Sure is.
UPS guy: It's suppose to be a lot cuter......UH! I mean hotter tomorrow.
Me: *smile* Yes, yes it is.

Thank you UPS guy. :-)

Destination Unknown as we pull in for some gas

Being in Massachusetts a year now, the subtleties of the people here are still not lost on me. This is what I don't understand... Why is everyone walking so fast? It's weird to me to watch people walk fast into work. INTO WORK PEOPLE. I mean ok maybe I can understand this in the dead of winter when it's 10 degrees out. But, people seriously it's Friday, it's 75 degrees out, and you're just DYING to get into your cubicle behind your computer screen, so that someone can walk by 5 times a day and check that you're there? So that someone can schedule a whole slew of meetings for you one after another in dark cold rooms? Seriously? STOP IT!

I don't get it....but apparently life is a destination in Massachusetts rather than a journey. (feeling alittle philosophical there, don't worry someone will knock me off my high horse later)

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

My reputation, it precedes me

What are friends for but to cheer you up mid afternoon sludge...

sam the mam
sam likes ham
sam gives no damn
sam drives a ram
sam's door goes slam
sam knows a girl named pam
sam says emerill says BAM
sam's car has a twin cam
sam loves her whole fam
sam likes toast with jam
sam's going on the lam
sam fought in nam
sam never ate a yam


......I admit I really have never eaten a yam.....caught!

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Mysteries of the Universe

Why is it that no matter what, if you attempt to contact your friends and family when you are bored, or in need of a chat, or a leaning ear, they are NEVER available. Your own mother isn't even available as she's out with the rest of your family enjoying social together time. Wassup with that? I HAVE NEEDS PEOPLE!!!! Very NEEDY NEEDS!!!

Why is it also that when you can't possibly pick up the phone, or talk for very long, or are SLEEPING...they all call, like out of the damn woodwork these people.

Ah well in the famous words of my mother "Life isn't fair Samantha, you may as well just get over it."

You can obviously see I haven't gotten OVER IT!

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

In which time passes

Recently I saw a Target commercial featuring the melody and hook from Sir Mix A Lot's famous rap song, "Baby Got Back"....

The commercial was for back packs....


Sir Mix a Lot is a total sell out.

Law 398233940372899

If you have recently purchased a new Buick, you may NOT put a NIN sticker on it's bumper.

One of the many laws I would in fact inact if I was a small Korean man with complete and utter ownership of my own small country, with my very own small penis.......

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Lucky Lady

Chelsea Clinton has been offered a dowry of 20 cows and 40 goats for her hand in marriage....

I wonder if she's going to take it?!

Nobody has ever offered ME that kind of sweet deal. 20 cows and 40 goats...the possibilities COULD be endless. *sigh*

Friday, July 22, 2005

In my ear

If I had a religion it would be music. Many of my friends often ask me for song suggestions for parties and ask me what's on my iPod. So here's a few things I've been listening to lately that I highly recommend.

Citizen Cope This artist is originally from Memphis, TN. He's been around quite awhile but mostly behind the scenes, underground. Recently one of his songs was added to a Santana album. His latest Album called The Clarence Greenwood Recordings, is a mix of southern rock, blues, and some hip-hop/funk. I recommend "Bullet and A Target" or "Sideways". Many of his songs are available to listen to on his website and through iTunes.

The Mars Volta This group is originally from El Paso, TX. This group has also been around for awhile, and are somewhat obscure. And by obscure here I mean weird. Certinaly not for everyone. Their sound is a mix of classical industrial. Yea I know you're like what? Kinda hard to explain and catorgize them as they have a unique sound. They are all about the disturbing imagery. Their latest album called Frances the Mute is set in typical classical structure of arrangements and movements. They are known for mixing various languages with their unique sound. Their music is also available through their website and iTunes.

George Strait George (as we call him in Texas) is originally from San Antonio, TX. Now I know there isn't anything new or different about George Strait, but that's pretty much his appeal. George was and is a real cowboy, and although he rarely writes his own lyrics or music, he has a very unique ability to take another person's songs and make them completely his own. I've never known another artist like George to be able to put the same feeling into a song that he did not write himself. His latest album Somewhere down in Texas is a classic collection of traditionally written Texas flavor songs. The album includes an excellent Merle Haggard song called "The Seashores of Old Mexico". His music is available through his website and iTunes.

Now don't say I never gave ya nothin'. :-p

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Law of the Land (RI)

I was in Rhode Island breifly over the weekend:

In Rhode Island any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void. -SECTION 11-40-1

My favorite part of this law (well there are many obviously) is that it actually has a section number. I'm SOO moving to Rhode Island!

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Weekend of Destruction

The fourth of July is really an excellent holiday. A day in which not only do you get an extra day off of work (in my case two....suckers) but there is absolutely no obligation on this holiday to go see family or buy presents. In fact it's nearly expected in the American culture to instead get liquored up and blow things up. You just can't get more American than that.

So that's just what I did. I made it down to North Carolina, to visit my very good friends whom I love Jackie and the Hippie. I had a wonderful time with them, I always do, they both make up part of my chosen family.

The weekend consisted of preparations, execution, and detoxification of a 4th of July cookout. Friends, food, liquor....and more liquor.....and alittle more liquor, oh AND being 1/2 of the apathetic bouche ball team....can't beat that with a hard stick. Well you could but we'd probably still lose as typically neither Grant (my bouche ball partner in crime) nor I respond at all to threats of violence. In fact we'd probably double dog dare you to do it.

Of course a long weekend for me apparently cannot be succuessful without some good ole destruction. Count breaking a pilsner glass, shrinking a tablecloth, and my personal favorite puking on the lawn, and yet these people still allow me in their house. Ah well if they weren't crazy we probably wouldn't be friends.

I love you guys.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Law of the Land (TX)

In Texas it's against the law to shoot someone in the back....

"You might not be able to shoot em in the back but you can shoot em in the leg until they turn around.....because eventually....they're gonna get curious" --Ron White

Monday, June 27, 2005

Did you know?

Some band-aids have the following Caution on their packaging:

Caution: The Packaging of This Product Contains Natural Rubber Latex Which May Cause Allergic Reactions.

So how does that natural rubber latex thing work exactly? Are there like trees in Idaho somewhere that grow it? What's the harvest schedule on that? Inquiring minds want to know....

Law of the Land (MA)

In Massachusetts it's against the law to have, maintain and use a grill on your deck.

Seriously people I can't make this stuff up.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Summer in New England

Or as I like to call it Texas winter. So it's been hot here the last few days, I will certainly grant the new englanders that. No sarcastic double quotes around hot, but dude I've seen worse. You know during the depths of the New England winter just a few short weeks ago I was sure that by the time summer got here as it has today, people here would I dunno lighten up well I dunno......THE SUN IS OUT!!

You know the SUN, that big bright glowing thing that we haven't seen in oh say a good NINE months!!

Oh how niave I was to think this. No no there is no happiness in New England to be had even when the sun IS shinning. It's like a constant citizenship to Mudville here. Whinning and complaining about snow and ice and cold has now turned into similar sentiments about the heat. "It's too hot" "I can't go outside" "You can't do anything in this" I think maybe I'm missing a conspiricay? Do I perhaps not own the proper gear/fortitude to go out instead in the 24 INCHES OF FUCKING SNOW when my car thermostat reads ZERO!!

Seriously? I mean really are they serious? Hey I'm from Texas most days in the summer I'm glad to just walk outside and be able to functionally breath, because well frankly there are days in the summer in Texas where that's not really advisable.

Well would you lookie here, New England has taught me to bitch. ;-)

Ah well no one said I couldn't learn something, I'll leave with this last exchange I overheard between a recently transplanted southerner and a new englander:

New Englander: Where are you from?
Arkansas Man: Arkansas ma'am.
New Englander: Ooohhh it's hot down there, I don't know how you stand it!
Arkansas Man: I don't know quite what you mean ma'am?
NewEnglander: Well it gets so hot down there in the summer you can't even open your car door!
Me to Arkansas man: Don't worry it gets so cold here that your door freezes shut!
New Englander to Me: dirty look
Me to New Englander: smirk

Random Thought

In elementary and junior high I remember they use to give each of us a fitness test at some point in the year. One of the "measurements" was to see if you could touch your toes. Leave it to federal legislation to think up something so ingenious as this. Now twenty some odd years later I'm sitting here with my legs outstretched in front of me thinking: "Hey wait a minute if my legs were shorter and/or my arms were longer, I could certainly touch my toes no problem, what kind of test is THAT!!" Do you see what extra time on my hands does? Huh Huh?

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Did you miss me?

Well I finally did it. I took a vacation for the first time in a year. I guess you could call my 7 months of unemployment a vacation, but if you've ever been unemployed you know that's not a vacation. Why you may ask? Because see on a vacation not only are you "away" from work but you're also getting paid, going out to eat, buying little sovineirs. I can verify that while unemployed you are "away" from work but you are not getting paid or going out to eat, but you are collecting sovieners, slips of paper from the unemployment office mostly, oh and a whole lot of bitterness, does it show? ;-)

Anyway, vacation was great, back out to the west. Colorado to visit the family, home of big mountains, open spaces and 7 straight days of sunshine. Whoohoo! Funny the things you miss, and the shock you have when you finally have access to them, like some types of food, sunshine, space, even just the way people are, just nice to feel comfortable again even for a little while.

Frankly also it gave me perspective on this place too. I feel a lot better about it, not so trapped as I did before. Guess that is what vacations are really for....we'll see how long it know me always the optimist. ;-)

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Aren't you excited?

I don't know why but no not really. I was offered a permanent position with the company I've been working for over the last year.

I got nothin.

Friday, May 27, 2005

In the news

There's an article out today linking viagra to blindness, apparently wives tales are true.

Friday, May 13, 2005

When I grow up

I want to be a pirate...

And work here...

And live here...

And fly this flag...

Wednesday, May 11, 2005


I hate when I open an internet explorer window to look something up but get completely sidetracked because the song on my iPod just changed.

I always knew I had attention deficet disorder, but damn, really?!

Thursday, May 05, 2005

When the syn·ap·ses stop firing

Last night as I laid in bed still religiously trying to get over my cold and the resultant back ache it produced, I decided to get up for alittle sugar. M&M's to be exact. I keep a few small snack size packs around the house you know for the woman in me.

I still can't seem to eat a package of M&M's even at 28 years old and not think about the green ones as "the horny ones". Because well apparently even grade school boys can turn anything into a sexual reference.

Anyway, long after the chocolatey goodness had melted away in my mouth and not in my hand, my back began to spasm worse than it had been earlier. Not one to really like taking a lot of pills, had I taken advil when the pain first started perhaps 3 hours before, oh no of course not. It wasn't unitl the SPASMS started that it occured to me that perhaps I didn't want to be in pain. So once again I got out of bed, walked into the kitchen for some water to take the advil with, walked over to my dresser (water in hand) pulled out two advil threw them in my mouth and started full on chewing them.

YES CHEWING THE ADVIL, while holding a glass of water, like they were fucking cornflakes.... *sigh*

As you can imagine grossness insued, that will be the last time that I eat M&M's in delirium.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Anything else?

You know I don't think it matters how old you get, when you get sick, all you really want is your mommy. Because well, that really is the only person on earth that is willing to stand in the same room with you and watch you puke and tell you it's gonna be ok. Your friends, well they will "be there" but that usually means on the other side of the closed door, asking every few minutes if you're ok, praying to god that you don't ask them to enter. And well we all know that having been friends standing on the other side of that door praying that we don't get asked, we ourselves are trying to hold back a certain amount of our own gag reflex everytime we hear you puke.

Anyway, so I'm sick this weekend, apparently I managed to catch something that started late on Friday night and has continued all through the weekend. Whoohoo for me! I want my mommy and some orange juice and some comfort food. *sigh* But alas there has been none of that.

I think really all of this bad karma happening presently in my life (or as I like to call it a series of my own life decisions that I don't want to take responsibility for therefore I subconsciously blame it on an eastern religious idea that I'm not sure I even beleive in) is due to some selling of my soul somewhere that I don't think I was completely present for, but obviously got a bad deal on. Well, and really duh! it is the devil mind you. (Now if that isn't serious subconscious blaming I don't know what is).

But I mean really, is there anything else besides the unstable job, living on the eastern seaboard (for it's lovely people and weather), having a boss that is incapable of being human, the bolts on your car rusting after JUST 1 FUCKING WINTER, meanwhile removing some of your tride and true coping mechanisms, and just finding out that they would now like to double you up with another employee in your cube that is smaller than your thumb, and that doesn't even cover all the stupidness of men I've dealt with since being here. I mean really, is there anything else? Anything?

Mom, are you out

You know, Nyquil is perhaps stronger than I realized....

Friday, April 22, 2005


You know every once in awhile I puruse the personals online in different cities that I have lived in, just ya know to gauge what the current male population is like.

Today it was Austin, where I found the following:

being smart is sexy
being a smartass is sexier

I think I have found my soulmate, what do you think? ;-)

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Pink Elephants

You know being alone with a very active imagination is seemingly always detrimental. You see it's been rather tough up here in New England to find just normal people to hang out with. I can't quite decide if it's the people or the weather, or the heavy salt in the air (you know that somehow seeps into their brains and leeches every kindness that could ever possibly exist).

Of course it also hasn't really helped that I've been basically living out of a box for way longer than I ever thought I'd be, practically willing and ready to pick up at any moment and head back to where I came from.

Either way, this has led to some rather interesting evenings, in my box, alone. It's amazing what one's mind can cook up, from everything from I must be a drug addict (even though I've never taken a drug that wasn't prescribed to me), to maybe if I stayed here just alittle longer I really could meet, and fall in love with and marry a rich man. ;-) Do you see the delusions? It's quite unhealthy, I shouldn't really be left to myself, but I digress.

Last night in particular due to particular chain of events that perhaps I'll elaborate on at a later date when I'm more removed from this current box living, I have surely convinced myself, that as soon as I gain inner happiness and outer beauty that I will die a most vivid and painful death from none other than a lethal combination of paranoia and hypocondria.

Oh yes I'm sure of it, no blood test needed.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Mix Tape

I think I could have made a mix tape of before-eight-am-noises outside of my apartment this morning. It would have gone something like this:

Track 1) 5:30 AM
Highlights: 1 of 3 dumpsters being dumped which includes the annoying back up *beep beep beep* sisters, followed by the glass/trash shake.

Track 2) 5:45 AM
Highlights: 2 of 3 construction dumpters being loaded, which includes the annoying back up *beep beep beep* sisters, followed by the scrape scrape onto a flat bed truck, culminating in the grandiose crash of the gong like finale.

Track 3) 6:00 AM
Highlights: 3 of 3 dumpsters being dumped which includes the annoying back up *beep beep beep* sisters followed by the glass/trash shake, much like track 1

Track 4) 6:15 AM
Highlights: New flat bed diesel engine truck arrives with replacement construction dumpster, this is much like Track 2, a nice retrograde.

Track 5) 6:30 AM
Highlights: Roofing crew begins to show up which starts with in a metzo forte of low murmured voices, leading ever so slightly into a crescendoing drop of a trailer gate onto the solid ground.

Track 6) 7:00AM
Highlights: Parking lot crew begins to show up starting suddenly allegro with a yell across the parking lot, swiftly changing to directing a diesel engine dumptruck into place with a not so subtle feature of the beep beep beep sisters.

Track 7) 7:15 AM
Highlights: Last but certainly not least, the great neighbor above. I hadn't heard a good track from him since the night before in which he see-sawed on the noisiest plank in his apartment. This morning's rendition, however, was priceless. It began with a soft pattering of feet, quickly crescendoing into a full sprint from one side of the above apartment to the other, introducing a slight fermata only by the slamming of the sliding glass door, followed by another crescendoing of full sprint, ending in an all exciting forte cadence door slamming.

Magic I tell you pure magic this tape was. I can't get the dissonance out of my head it was that memorable.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Night of the Sun

This whole time change thing really has done me more harm than good, while I like still seeing light when I get out of the gym now, I'm still trying to get use to the sleep deprivation after 3 days.


As my father told me not to long ago. "Farmers just hate that extra hour of sunlight, it just burns up their crops."

I know how they feel. ;-)

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Dirty Laundry

Terri Schiavo
Originally uploaded by whaala.

I make my living off the evening news
Just give me something-something I can use
People love it when you lose,
They love dirty laundry

Well, I coulda been an actor, but I wound up here
I just have to look good, I don't have to be clear
Come and whisper in my ear
Give us dirty laundry

Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em all around

We got the bubble-headed-bleach-blonde who
Comes on at five
She can tell you 'bout the plane crash with a gleam
In her eye
It's interesting when people die-
Give us dirty laundry

Can we film the operation?
Is the head dead yet?
You know, the boys in the newsroom got a
Running bet
Get the widow on the set!
We need dirty laundry

You don't really need to find out what's going on
You don't really want to know just how far it's gone
Just leave well enough alone
Eat your dirty laundry

Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're stiff
Kick 'em all around

Dirty little secrets
Dirty little lies
We got our dirty little fingers in everybody's pie
We love to cut you down to size
We love dirty laundry

We can do the innuendo
We can dance and sing
When it's said and done we haven't told you a thing
We all know that crap is king
Give us dirty laundry!

Lyrics courtesy of Don Henley's "Dirty Laundry"

Sunday, March 27, 2005

I've been told

I hate being told what to do. I have always hated being told what to do. I think I get it from my father, he also hates being told what to do, especially by my mother. I often remember him telling my mother once when I was a teenager, "stop running my train".

That makes me laugh now when I think about that, and sometimes I think that same statement when someone is telling me what to do, like I thought yesterday when I was at the gym.

The gym I attend has recently instituted this new policy requiring not only to sign in at the front desk, but also when you enter the weight machine area. Although the weight machine area is itself it's own room within the gym, it has 2 entrances. In front of one of the entrances the gym staff has instantiated this table to sign in at as you come in. The first time I saw the table I was a "good citizen" and signed in. Fine whatever.

I think the gym itself must have had an incident earlier in the week of someone getting hurt and no one being able to identify the person in the gym. So apparently the solution is this whole sign in procedure, so you know the staff can know who's in the room. After I signed in the first time I found it all alittle ridiculous, for the following reasons:

1) Almost all gyms in America have no system to identify a person once they've entered the gym. It's not like any of us who workout in a gym carry around our driver's license on us, or any type of identification for that matter. That all gets left in the car or the locker room or at home.

2) This particular gym has 2 entrances, so if you happen to sneak through the stretching room (which I'm considering) you could totally bypass the table never sign in and no one know the wiser.

3) What does signing in do anyway? Let's say I'm in the gym like I was on Saturday and there are 5 other women in there (as there were) with me. If I pass out on the elliptical machine (which I was also considering), how long is it going to take to really identify me? Will it even be possible with so many people constantly in and out of the room that although sign in never sign out? You could have up to 20 to 40 names on a sign in sheet all while you're trying to figure out who I am and who's in or out of the room itself. Somewhat ridiculous don't you think?

Yes it is, this doesn't prevent, however, (the next time I walked into the weight room, and bypassed the sign in table without even a glance and walked right up on the treadmill), me getting told to do it anyway. I was just about to start the treadmill when this short pimple (yes pimple on my ass) of a man walked up to me and asked me to sign in. I lamely began to argue that I had already signed in at the front desk, but it was no use to argue with this pimple. This pimple was a RULE pimple, follow the RULES because they are THERE, and they should be FOLLOWED pimple. The pimples who like to run other people's trains! Even if it is stupid in principle as well as practice. So I was told.

Man, I hate getting told what to do...especially by pimples.

Friday, March 25, 2005

A vehicle

Originally uploaded by whaala.
Laughing cow is a company that makes a great line of cheese products, and maybe other things as well, but I'm too addicted to their cheese right now to really know.

Recently I've become addicted to their new "Gourmet Cheese and Baguettes." I've been eating them as snacks during the day at work. At first I thought that the little baguettes were scrumptous, which they are, but now I'm completely convinced that the baguettes really are just vehicles. Vehicles for the cheese. Mmm cheese.

Other Vehicles that you may not be aware of:

Taco Bell tacos and burritos are vehicles for hot sauce.

Fresh strawberries, rasberries, or blackberries, all vehicles for whip cream.

The movie theatre, a vehicle for heart-attack 3 times popcorn.

College, a vehicle for pizza and ramen noodles.

The Internet, a vehicle for time wastage.

Blogs, a vehicle to make up words like "wastage".

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Blog Irony

Doesn't it seem wrong that your blog editor that you write your blog entries into, has a spell checker that doesn't recognize the word blog or blogging or blogger.

The phone, it doesn't stop ringing

You know there is nothing like apartment living to really make you hate the entire human race. There is also nothing like apartment living to make you realize how truly insane all of humanity is.

Here in Massachusetts I live in a very small space. I mean VERY SMALL. I say this because it is my belief that the small the space you live in, the thinner your walls must be. It's like the missing law of averages or physics, or life.

Recently I met my neighbor, a slight woman whom after 8 months of being my neighbor and seeing me often enough to talk to me but never saying anything, said to me "Hi I'm Michele, if you ever need anything let me know." I find this statement rather ironic, as well, I'VE BEEN HERE FOR EIGHT MONTHS NOW. Any help I would have needed would most likely have been EIGHT MONTHS AGO. Ah but I digress, people they are funny things.

Anyway, my said neighbor, Michele, who is actually come to found out from Texas, she is a little odd. This by the way is one of the reasons I have never had a roommate since college. My neighbors have always been weird, WEIRD, and well Michele is no different. Michele, walks her cat, no not on a leash, the cat walks, and she (Michele) walks behind it while reading a book. Yes odd. Meanwhile I am now convinced that she traffics drugs, or sex or, I dunno maybe yarn, or perhaps just cat nip. Who knows but her god damn phone RINGS ALL THE GOD DAMN TIME.

Who is calling this cat following, walk while reading, odd, slight, ex-Texan? And what's more, who is calling her SO much that it has made me write a whole blog post about just how annoying apartment living and neighbors and frankly phones can be.


One thing I've learned from apartment living is that it does no use to speak to the said neighbor about your said annoyance, because well frankly it is already obvious that they are too inconsiderate to care by owning a phone containing the loudest ringtone ever invented! So in my best passive aggressive mentality, I throw a porn in and turn it up. :-)

I wonder if Michele is over there right now blogging about how her annoying neighbor Samantha she believes is addicted to sex, or porn, or both. heh.

Ok ok fine I'll turn it off, I know it's childish, but MY GOD THAT FUCKIN PHONE!

Thursday, March 17, 2005


My friend Tom C. told me to UPDATE MY BLOG yesterday.

This is by no way an appeasement to Tom, however, Tom mentioned that he checks my blog everyday to passively get updated on my life.

I check it everyday too for passive updates to my life, but they just don't really seem to come as often as I would like. ;-)

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Monday, February 28, 2005


Overheard this weekend in target:

In the snowboard and sled aisle, "Mom I'VE WANTED TO SNOWBOARD MY WHOLE LIFE!!"
Courtesy of a 7 yr old boy. He's wanted to snowboard his WHOLE LIFE, all SEVEN years of it.

In the greeting card aisle, "Mom, remember that one time we were here and you broke that thing."

I think I might have too much pride to have children.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Is it wrong

Is it wrong to want to feign sickness, your own death, a horrible car accident, or even worse the death of a family member to get out of going to work?

Just curious.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Silver Lining

As my friends would tell you, it’s a rare moment when I find the silver lining in something. A VERY rare moment.

However, I thought that I would share with you the recent silver lining I found, you will be stunned I know.

Yesterday my friend Jackie and I were discussing the possible reasons for the death of a stranger we had read about. Yea, don’t ask how we get into these things, it's the internet it breeds this sort of thing trust me. Anyway, one of Jackie’s thoughts was perhaps the person in question had had an aneurysm. This led into a whole discussion about people we knew who had aneurysms. A cousin of Jackie’s, a great aunt of mine. Uplifting conversation I know, what can I say this is why we are friends we appreciate the morbid fascination in things.

As the conversation waned, I said, hey at least with an aneurysm you die rather quickly, there is something to be said for that. And that right there people is my ability to find the silver lining. I may not be able to find ANY silver lining in my own life, but damn I can find some silver lining in death.

That has certificate of appreciation written all over it.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Happy Black Monday*

a.k.a the day established to all inclusively make everyone feel bad whether you're in a relationship or not.

I read in the Boston Globe yesterday that Boston is the "lovingest" city according to Hallmark. The most Valentine cards per capita are sold in Boston. Now that my friends is the definition of irony. Or perhaps just a true sign that people in Boston feel damn guilty for the piss poor attitudes against their fellow man.

*On a side note I'd like to thank my friend Jon, for providing the inspiration for today's title. We have ourselves had a fabulously bitter email exchange, appropriate I think atleast for my own bitterness, and well Jon so kindly humors my bitterness. It goes as follows, note it has been edited for content and well hilarity.

Sam: Good Morning (note the lack of any mention of the holiday)
Jon: Good Morning. Happy V Day. (that bastard)
Sam: Thank you, same to you, and bah hum bug (bastard)
Jon: I wasn't sure if I should have said Happy Black Monday instead, but I figured I'd try and stay positive. (Aww he tries)
Sam: Have I mentioned that I hate this holiday? I don't even know why I am thinking about it, because it's no different than any other day.
Jon: You've hinted at it.
Jon: If it were a weekend, I'd recommend a 36 hour bender. That's worked in the past.
Sam: Mmm bender, so tempting. I even unknowingly wore a red sweater today, pisses me off.
Jon: Look at you, subliminally in the spirit. Eros would be proud.
Sam: If only it weren't illegal to shoot myself.
Jon: Maybe in this case the red can symbolize blood?
Sam: You are a genius man, pure genius man. The blood that would spill today if I weren't so apathetic
Jon: Too lazy to cause mortal and prolific harm to others. Now THAT's a sign of psychosis.

(No just a significant sign of strong will, and ok maybe a healthy fear of prison)

Happy Valentine's Day Jon, you are fabulous. :-)

Monday, February 07, 2005

Train Wreck

After watching all the lame superbowl commercials this year (the only real reason to watch the superbowl), I began to flip around the channels and found a train wreck in progress that I just couldn't turn away from.

The Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet was in full swing. Where puppies apparently played and ran and humped, and were "penalized" for their messes and rough housing. Oh no I am not kidding, if only I wish this were associated with some sort of drug induced hallucination...if only.

Seriously, people, I mean I am a dog lover. A serious DOG LOVER, with an awesome dog, but dude, a puppy bowl? Is our culture really that degenerate, are there people out there who watched this whole thing in it's entirety? I want to meet them...and slap them.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

How could you justify swallowing

This better give me an orgasm that no man could compete with.

Friday, January 21, 2005

This > < Close

For all of you out there who might think for one second, just ONE second that I am cool in any way, shape, or form, this post will completely negate that. I know I can tell you want to read ahead because you just can't wait.

For those of you who really know me, you will only shake your head because you know the extent of my dorkdum at times. I know what you're thinking "At Times?!?!" All I have to say to you people is shut up! :-p

Ok, so perhaps alittle prequel to my fall from grace, I think (well ok I know) I have a thing for cowboys sometimes. You know the way guys have a thing for like cheerleaders or hooter girls or whatever. You wouldn't necessarily take the hooter girl home to Mom, but that doesn't mean you haven't in-the-first-3-seconds-of-holding-her-in-your-line-of-sight thought of every I digress.

Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh right cowboys.

So part of my normal morning routine is to get up and turn on VH1 or MTV in hopes that the apocalypse has finally happened and that they are in turn playing videos. One such morning I was lucky enough to encounter such an event, and VH1 was playing the tail end of the latest Nelly/Tim McGraw collaboration on a song called Over and Over again.

Now, while I haven't honestly paid much attention to Tim McGraw as a cowboy or an artist, I sat down to watch. I don't know if somehow VH1 has figured out a way to lace their videos with cocaine or I was just still recovering from being awake, but I swear to GOD that Tim McGraw looked RIGHT at ME! He tilted his head underneath that black hat, and gave that sort of half elvis lip curl and that was it. I was hooked and sad to say still am.

Once I got to work that day I found the full video online, and have since played it an obscene number of times, always catching that little lip curl at the end.

Um are you ready? Ready for the end to all my it is:

I'm about this > < close to going out and buying a Tim McGraw poster and hanging it on the ceiling, oh yea I am soooo close.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

What 1 degree means to me

1 pair thermal underwear pants
1 pair thick corduroy pants
1 pair thin polyester socks
1 pair thick cotton socks
1 bodysuit
1 polyester/cotton blend sweater
1 cotton sweatshirt (I use to wear when weather got "cold" in Texas)
1 fleece zip up jacket
1 cotton lined zip up jacket
1 scarf wrapped 3 times
1 hat
1 pair gloves
1 pair snow boots
The heat in my car NOT kicking in, until I get to work....priceless

Monday, January 17, 2005

5:48 A.M.

The time the neighbor living above chose to apparently spontaneously jump out of bed and run to the front door. Not that I would have minded this necessarily, IF IT DIDN'T SOUND LIKE EVERY STEP WAS COMING THROUGH MY CEILING ONTO MY HEAD.

I digress.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

The Snow and I

I have officially lost count of how many times it has snowed here now. And I realized a few things this morning as I once again cleaned off my truck, for what seems like the upteenth time this week.

The first time it snowed here, I will admit I was kinda excited, it was fluffy and pretty and a beautiful clean clear white. Being from Texas as you may or may not be able to imagine, I didn't have much experience with snow, so I didn't know any better back November.

But since then oh I've learned a few things...

1) The first time I cleaned off my truck, I took my time, scraped all the windows, brushed off the top and the hood, dusted off he bumpers and the fenders, so you know I would be safe and safe to other drivers, blah blah blah. Today, if I could have gotten away with it, I would have just sat in my car and run the windshield wipers until the front window was clear, but because of the thickness of snow, I had to get out, and brush the window off and do a little scraping (only the front window mind you). Screw the top, the sides, the hood, the everything. Enough already!

2) There are few things more annoying than the constant scraping of a snow plow outside your apartment window about every 2 to 4 hours. EVERY 2 TO 4 HOURS!! *scrap* *scrap* *sssscccrraaaaaaaappppppp* This is what insanity looks like people.

3) The one thing more annoying than the snow plow, is the guy who parks his car right underneath your awning scraping his windshield at 6 am in the morning. *scrap* *scrap* *scrap* Can't you just lick it off?!

4) Snow in your hair is kinda cute and sort of sexy, it's when it sticks to your jacket and your gloves and then gets on your leather seats that kinda becomes annoying. Ok really more than annoying, more like enraging, this car was expensive god damnit, I don't want melting snow anywhere IN IT or NEAR IT! *deep breaths*

5) When your Point A to Point B walking paths are now covered by stacked 20 foot snow banks from the parking lot, there is no love for the snow anymore! None. No. Not uh. Never.

I have officially become a new englander in my attitude toward the snow "When is this shit gonna end!?!"

Monday, January 10, 2005

Ode to Bed

Oh how I love thee Bed
So warm and cozy and soft
Oh how I love your sweet smell
The smell of sleep

Oh how you cocoon me in love
Not like that gushy love
Not like that have to put up with your crap love
Just that non judgemental
Come to me child

Oh how your sheets are like
a cool pond in the heat of summer
And a warm crackling fire
in the depths of winter

Oh how you embrace thee
With no harsh words or sounds
Well except for the alarm clock
But that's really not your fault

Oh how I wish you could hold one more
Ah well
Maybe tomorrow
Maybe tomorrow.

Monday, January 03, 2005

A little bit older

It's a new year and I am alittle bit older, I guess we all are. If you think this is going to be a post about revelation and rejuvination in the new year, I suggest you stop reading now. I'm in a sad mood, and feel like doing nothing but reflecting.

It's music that has put me here, as usual. I'm sure you all have a particular song or 10 that remind you of a place, a person an event....

The one that I heard today reminds me of relationships. Funny thing about being single, you spend a lot of time (I'm sure unhealthy) thinking. Thinking about people you've dated, thinking what went wrong, remembering why it all went wrong. And for the most part you know it's the right thing in the long run. Life, however, is so hard to look at in the long run. It's tough to not get wrapped up in this moment right now, thinking that it will never pass, that you will be stuck forever. I know though that this is mearly a state of mind. One that seems at times uncontrolable but a state of mind nonetheless.

Three of my ex-boyfriends have become engaged before the turn of this new year. It's probably hitting me harder than I'm willing to admit, mostly because of my current state of instability I suppose. It's alittle much to take, but at the same time I guess good to get it over with all at once.

It's certinaly not how I imagined it to be, but then again I guess it never is.