Monday, February 28, 2005


Overheard this weekend in target:

In the snowboard and sled aisle, "Mom I'VE WANTED TO SNOWBOARD MY WHOLE LIFE!!"
Courtesy of a 7 yr old boy. He's wanted to snowboard his WHOLE LIFE, all SEVEN years of it.

In the greeting card aisle, "Mom, remember that one time we were here and you broke that thing."

I think I might have too much pride to have children.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Is it wrong

Is it wrong to want to feign sickness, your own death, a horrible car accident, or even worse the death of a family member to get out of going to work?

Just curious.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Silver Lining

As my friends would tell you, it’s a rare moment when I find the silver lining in something. A VERY rare moment.

However, I thought that I would share with you the recent silver lining I found, you will be stunned I know.

Yesterday my friend Jackie and I were discussing the possible reasons for the death of a stranger we had read about. Yea, don’t ask how we get into these things, it's the internet it breeds this sort of thing trust me. Anyway, one of Jackie’s thoughts was perhaps the person in question had had an aneurysm. This led into a whole discussion about people we knew who had aneurysms. A cousin of Jackie’s, a great aunt of mine. Uplifting conversation I know, what can I say this is why we are friends we appreciate the morbid fascination in things.

As the conversation waned, I said, hey at least with an aneurysm you die rather quickly, there is something to be said for that. And that right there people is my ability to find the silver lining. I may not be able to find ANY silver lining in my own life, but damn I can find some silver lining in death.

That has certificate of appreciation written all over it.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Happy Black Monday*

a.k.a the day established to all inclusively make everyone feel bad whether you're in a relationship or not.

I read in the Boston Globe yesterday that Boston is the "lovingest" city according to Hallmark. The most Valentine cards per capita are sold in Boston. Now that my friends is the definition of irony. Or perhaps just a true sign that people in Boston feel damn guilty for the piss poor attitudes against their fellow man.

*On a side note I'd like to thank my friend Jon, for providing the inspiration for today's title. We have ourselves had a fabulously bitter email exchange, appropriate I think atleast for my own bitterness, and well Jon so kindly humors my bitterness. It goes as follows, note it has been edited for content and well hilarity.

Sam: Good Morning (note the lack of any mention of the holiday)
Jon: Good Morning. Happy V Day. (that bastard)
Sam: Thank you, same to you, and bah hum bug (bastard)
Jon: I wasn't sure if I should have said Happy Black Monday instead, but I figured I'd try and stay positive. (Aww he tries)
Sam: Have I mentioned that I hate this holiday? I don't even know why I am thinking about it, because it's no different than any other day.
Jon: You've hinted at it.
Jon: If it were a weekend, I'd recommend a 36 hour bender. That's worked in the past.
Sam: Mmm bender, so tempting. I even unknowingly wore a red sweater today, pisses me off.
Jon: Look at you, subliminally in the spirit. Eros would be proud.
Sam: If only it weren't illegal to shoot myself.
Jon: Maybe in this case the red can symbolize blood?
Sam: You are a genius man, pure genius man. The blood that would spill today if I weren't so apathetic
Jon: Too lazy to cause mortal and prolific harm to others. Now THAT's a sign of psychosis.

(No just a significant sign of strong will, and ok maybe a healthy fear of prison)

Happy Valentine's Day Jon, you are fabulous. :-)

Monday, February 07, 2005

Train Wreck

After watching all the lame superbowl commercials this year (the only real reason to watch the superbowl), I began to flip around the channels and found a train wreck in progress that I just couldn't turn away from.

The Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet was in full swing. Where puppies apparently played and ran and humped, and were "penalized" for their messes and rough housing. Oh no I am not kidding, if only I wish this were associated with some sort of drug induced hallucination...if only.

Seriously, people, I mean I am a dog lover. A serious DOG LOVER, with an awesome dog, but dude, a puppy bowl? Is our culture really that degenerate, are there people out there who watched this whole thing in it's entirety? I want to meet them...and slap them.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

How could you justify swallowing

This better give me an orgasm that no man could compete with.