Such a strong little girl

All the courage and strength in the world can't fill the loneliness or even make it subside for just one minute. I want to believe in love and all the good that they tell me comes with that. I do beleive in love for other people. J&J. S&T, T&K, but for me, I dunno...maybe someday, just not right now, and not right here, and not at all.

Just realized...

I just realized that this is the first time ever. EVER. That I have worked the week between Christmas and New Years. EVER! And now I'm finding out why. It's like working saturday over and over again 5 days in a row, with the one exception that the lights are on. (The lights usually aren't turned on over the weekend...*sigh* the life of a contractor) As usual I digress.

Anyway, I myself have survived the holidays, with only one back handed compliment from my mother as follows:

When I get stressed around my family I have a tendancy to pull at my eyebrow, this is to cause myself pain in order to ignore the pain in the ass that my family is. You may say this is strange, I'd like to just think of it as one of my many unique qualities. Anyway, imagine me presently tugging at my eyebrow....

Mother: Quit pulling your eyebrow.
Me: Huh? What? As I come back to reality from my plotting of death
Mother: STOP PULLING YOUR EYEBROW.
Me: I wish mothers had a mute button
Me: Oh! Right.
Mother: They were too thin last time you were home, they look better now, leave them alone.
Me: Oh really? Rolling my eyes. Thanks Mom, you always know how to make me feel better.

May you survive

I thought long and hard (ok neither did I think long or hard about this) about naming this entry "Happy Holidays" or "Merry Chirstmas" or "Happy Chanukah" "Happy Kwanza", but um yea why would I be so cheery? You know better.

Besides we all know that Christmas this year has come retardly fast. Yes that's right I just said "retardly fast" in a post about Chirstmas. God come down and strike me I dare you, it wouldn't be any worse than what a New Englander could do to me at this point. These people are SERIOUS up here!

Anyway, I wish you all much happiness, wellness and ability to retain sanity through the next two days. May you not choke your little sister when she jumps on your bed early Chirstmas morning. May you not feel the repercussions of your mother commenting on your thighs in t-minus 3 minutes before christmas dinner. May you endure your father giving your mother a snowblower for christmas and not the diamond tennis braclet she wanted. May you show good face when you get something you totally think asinine. May you get some, cause god knows I won't be. STRIKE ME! STRIKE ME! I digress.....

Most of all may you survive to begin another year all over again. :-)

Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah (even though it's over) and what the the hell, Happy Kwanza, you politically correct hippies.

6 inces and counting.

Someone on the way into work asked me "you bring this snow all the way from texas?" of which I responded with a very sarcastic and very emphatic: "No if I were in Texas right now, I'd be in bed....ASLEEP!" Indeed.

The little things

A few little things that make me happy:

• Finding more pants like the ones you love even though it’s been months since you bought the first pair.

• Sheets with definable patterns, so you know they can only possibly go one way on the bed. No guessing which way is which. Let the dorkdum begin.

• Visiting NYC at Christmas – They go all out. It is truly AWESOME.

• Having the best seat in the house at a restaurant.

• The internet, god it’s GREAT!

• When people are nice even though they don’t have to be.

• When someone just knows you need a hug without you having to say a word.

• Books. Books. More Books. Considering selling soul to Barnes and Noble.

• When you make someone else smile.

Damnit.

Broke a nail today while taking out the trash and scraping ice/snow off my car. While I'm not as much of a girly girl as most, that still really annoys me. Where are the men?

Sleeping through the country music

I have just had some GREAT sleep. Tylenol PM, my new friend, thank you for 10 hours of straight unconsciousness, and thanks to me for turning off my cell phone. I have unfortunately have been letting a few things get to me more than I should. You know the usual bullshit from life and people in your life that around this time of year is alittle too much for EVERYONE. It probably hasn't helped either that I've been listening to nothing but straight country music lately. Cause God knows that's some uplifting shit.

Case in point my latest favorite song:

Slept in my makeup
Didn't get my teeth brushed
I crashed on the couch
And now my mouth tastes like yesterday's news

Well hello Jim Beam
Oh the places you've seen
If only you could talk
You'd tell me why he walked out on me and you

Oh the things lovers do when it's over
Oh the things lovers do when it's done
Find a cool bottle or a warm shoulder
Wake up older
And try to move on

I drove around last night
Thinkin' 'bout our last fight
I cruised by your house
And all the lights were out and you were gone

So I found me a stranger
With his comforting danger
But I thought about you
The whole time we were gettin' it on

Oh the things lovers do when it's over
Oh the things lovers do when it's done
Find a cool bottle or a warm shoulder
Wake up older
And try to move on
Find a cool bottle or a warm shoulder
Wake up older

So uplifting huh? Yea bring on more tylenol, maybe I can just sleep through 30?

The sands of time.

I distinctly remember telling my 18-yr-old self: 18-yr-old self, you will never, NEVER grow up to NOT appreciate the younger generation's music.

*gasp*. Here I am nearly ten years later...soooo not appreciating the younger generation's music. *gasp - need air c-a-n-n-o-t breatheeee*

Thinking things like:

This isn't music.
Who listens to this shit?
God, MTV SUCKS!
What are they saying?
Those girls look like they are 12, OMG those girls ARE 12!
What are they wearing?
I miss the classics like green day and soundgarden. *shudder*
Is that new lead singer of that band that I don't know wearing a pearl jam t-shirt, like Eddie Vedder use to except he wore like Jim Morrison or Jimi Hendrix t-shirts! OMG!
Is Hillary Duff really covering an eighties song THAT I REMEMBER?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! This can't be happening.

*click click* There's no place like home.
*click click* There's no place like home.

Hmmm...not working. *sigh*

Words cannot describe

There's nothing quite like being woken up in mid alarm snoozing (on a work day) to the sound of someone scraping their windshield with what sounds like a high pitched buzz saw.

It's reasons like these that people go out and buy hand guns. Seriously people, go back to bed.

Those moments...

I screwed myself socially today, which is usually what I do all on my own anyway, but today it involved other people, um yea no fair. I had a wonderful evening last night with Mr. D, nothing serious, nothing of potential to note without sounding neurotic and over-analyitical, just two people hangin out. Cool.

Said Mr. D then later agreed to meet up with me today to do some more hangin out, but specified that he probably would be busy until afternoon. Also, cool as I'd been meaning to try out a new aerobics class anyway this morning.

The morning started plainly enough, aerobics class was way more awesome than I expected (if such a thing can be said). Came home feeling already accomplished, which for a Saturday is GREAT, cleaned the place, washed the dishes, vaccumed (yes that's right I VACCUMED, unbelievable I know), would have fed and petted the dog if he were here. And then.....

I waited...

and waited...

and waited...

and waited some more...

The afternoon came and went, no call from Mr. D.

3pm, "well the day is fucked, think I'll take a nap."

4pm wake up from nap, "well guess I'll go START running the errands I was planning on running today" *sigh*

4:34pm Mr. D. calls, I miss the call, because am too busy trying not to murder teenagers in best buy. *sigh*

5pm I see that I missed call from Mr. D at 4:34pm (no message left). *sigh*

6pm Call Mr. M. asked if wanted to hang out. Said would call me back. *sigh*

7pm Mr. D calls again. Explains he worked all day (why he didn't call I can only attribute to some missing genetic makeup somewhere in the deep synapses of the male brain). Asked if I wanted to grab dinner, of which I had already eaten. *sigh* Then ended with I will call you tomorrow.....*double sigh*

9:30pm started writing this blog. Mr. M still has not called. (see aforementioned missing genetics).

Ever find those moments in life where you're sighing alot?

*sigh*

Just because I won't say it doesn't mean I won't think it.

"Dear Lord, thank You for this microwave bounty, even though we don't deserve it. I mean... our kids are uncontrollable hellions! Pardon my French... but they act like savages! Did You see them at the picnic? Oh, of course You did... You're everywhere, You're omnivorous. Oh Lord! Why did You spite me with this family?"

~Homer Simpson

I am very thankful this year for many things here are a few of them:

• all of my very loving, very supportive and great friends.
• change, even though I fight it tooth and nail
• time and it’s ability to pass although never at a rate I wish
• bubble bath
• sephora – god does love me
• Walden pond and all that it has taught me in short order
• the people of boston for teaching me how to stick up to my family ( no not stick that finger up….just STICK UP)
• oh right my family I almost forgot – for putting up with my bullshit blah blah
• this blog – always puts things in perspective
• men who still open doors
• a paycheck above the poverty line
• presidents only being able to serve 2 terms
• the red sox winning the world series – because it was damn exciting

I will thank myself if I make it through this holiday by either standing up to my family when they try to railroad me as they do every year, or trying to not secretly plan their untimely deaths. kidding kidding....it's just jokes.....jokes. :-)

Happy Thanksgiving Everybody

Foul, 10 yard penalty, repeat the down

I don't know what it was about today, but I haven't felt like having a melt down like this in a long time. It has been a rough rough day, and for no real other reason, other than the normal crap I put up with everyday just apparently bearing down on me alittle harder.

Some memorable notes from today:

Smiling on my way to work this morning because my car thermostat read 39 degrees, and thinking WOW that's warm. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!

Going up to the cafe to get some hot water for tea, and my co-worker trying to be funny by saying to me "so are you going to jump in the hot water." My response in all seriousness to this being "No we don't jump off bridges in Texas, you have us confused with California. In Texas we climb a high tower with a semi-automatic weapon and shoot 40 random people" Need Proof?

Realizing at 3pm today that I hadn't brushed my hair yet. Once again....WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!

Saying "fuck it" to that damn aerobics class I've been going to the last 3 weeks that I STILL CAN'T GET THE MAMBO STEP DOWN IN!!

Trying very hard not to call every man I work with a boy....because well that's what they are acting like....boys!

Doing all I can right now not to buy a whaling spear to throw through my ceiling into my neighbor's apartment above me. STOP WALKING AROUND!

And so it begins

Winter 


Frozen Mitsubishi 

I have survived my first snow on the east coast. It's early....oh joy.

Tell Me What You Really Think Installment I

"Phoenix is a big city"

The first time I heard this was in preparation for a job interview about 7 months ago. So let me give you a little background on myself before I get into why this phrase is interesting. Before I turned 18 my parents managed to move my brother and I 27 times. Not always to a new city, but certainly lots of different houses with a few international countries thrown in. Suffice it to say my first memory is of sleeping on an airplane. My parents always taught my brother and I to be independent, well educated, open minded people. And while I can't say much for my brother (see Family - The hits just keep on comin') I took a lot of these ideals to heart growing up especially the independent part.

I have fond memories of puking in the middle of LAX at age 5, mistakenly asking for dr. pepper in downtown Boston at age 16 (they don't serve Dr. Pepper in Boston, well atleast they didn't back then nothing screams Texan I found out btw as much as Dr. Pepper does), puking again in the streets of Juarez, Mexico at age 17 (thank you Mexico for starting my love affair with Tequila), realizing what a real block was when I was 20 walking the streets of New York City (who measures these things I ask?), watching a tree snake fall heavily out of a tree as it missed it's next meal (me at age 4) in Singapore, having my hands nearly gouged by pigeons at age 6 in Tokyo (you're suppose to THROW the seeds out not hold them...duh!), nearly being arrested in Rome for riding the bus without a ticket (hey the nuns get away with it why not me?), sleeping in London's Gatwick airport, because well we were too cheap to get a hotel. So suffice it to say I've been to some damn big cities...alone...or nearly alone, and somehow managed to come out alive....still. Amazed aren't you? Yea I thought so.

Anyway, so back to this job interview. At the time I was living in Dallas, yet another fairly large city in case you weren't aware. The gentleman (I shouldn't even be so nice) whom requested to interview me called me a few days before I was suppose to fly out to Phoenix to meet him. We were going over details of the interview and what would be involved as far as travel arrangements ectera. As we get to the end of the conversation (because apparently I always sound so helpless *rolling my eyes*) the man says to me "Now you think you're going to be able to find everything alright here?" Of which I reply, "oh yes yes, I think I'll be fine, I look forward to seeing you." Of which he responds with "Are you sure because you know Phoenix is a big city!"

PHOENIX IS A BIG CITY? Are you kidding me? I mean seriously. PHOENIX?

No I hate to break it to you, but PHOENIX is not a big city. Los Angelos is a big city. New York is a big city. Chicago is a big city. Dallas is a big city. San Francisco is a big city. Houston is a big city. PHOENIX IS NOT A BIG CITY. Actually the only thing big about phoenix are the capital letters I've already used to say it's not a BIG CITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say this has become an inside joke for me and my friends. Every once in a while I like to catch them off guard by saying...well ya know phoenix is a big city after all.....

If only Darwin's theories had more application...I swear....

It's the SUN!!

Whoohoo, the sun the sun the sun is OUT!!!!

I think ya'll out there should be EXTREMELY proud of me that I have just survived the-first-of-what-I-am-sure-will-be-many 7-day long bouts without the SUN!

Coming from the south and actually living through a bout like this with no sun is EXTREMELY amazing. AMAZING I tell you. Do you hear me out there?! AMAZING

Number of dashes used: 10
Number of capitalized letters: 44(can you find them all?)
Number of capitalized words: 6 - *ponder* is "I" a word or a letter? hmmmmmmmmmm
Number of times the word EXTREMELY was used (does this count? no): 2
Amount if insanity brought on by not seeing the sun: infinite

UnBelieveable

So I have been bitten. Yes there IS truely something in the water here in Mass.

I have found it is impossible NOT to be a Red Sox fan when living anywhere less than 100 miles outside of Boston (I live about 20). I am addicted, and here I was thinking I was nothing but a Texas football girl, oh boy was I wrong (Wow what a Texas phrase right there "oh boy was I wrong"). This entire last week bedtime has not been anywhere before midnight as the Red Sox have not only kept me on the edge of my seat, but have made history when everyone assumed they would fail as they have for the last consecutive 18 years!

So stealing an idea from Sarah B.
As proof of my newly gained Red Sox insanity I quote my recently received saved phone txt messages:

Yea, sux the yanks lost tho
Those geeks don't watch sports
Boston is buzzing
It's amazing
This place is about to explode
3 more outs
Fucking bellhorn
I don't know y they yanked lowe
I'm nervous wit pedro

*Note for you living-under-a-rock-non-baseball-fans, pedro, lowe and bellhorn are all red sox's players.

GO SOX!

Abandoned

What a dramatic title huh? Yea warning I'm feeling like a drama queen today. It's Saturday and really my first day off from work in about 12 days. Coming out of 12 days of straight working, is like coming off a really long drinking binge with out any of the good memories only the bad ones. You know the ones you'll think back on later and shake your head at. Yea...

Both last night and today I have literally looked around and thought to myself "Oh yea, my life, I have one of those what was I doing with it again?" Of course trying to reconnect with my friends has been a bit of a challenge today, and being that I am feeling as dramatic as I am that hasn't boded well for my sanity. I've called 5 of my friends and have either gotten no answer or been blown off by all of them. Ah well I can't really blame them for not being at my beck and call. ;-)

What you have a life? Huh I haven't been having one? It's Saturday night in a still very new place with few friends (none that I can actually stand for more than an hour) and I'm being completely lame by doing laundry and watching a PG-13 rated movie....

Yea ok drama over. Wait wait wait......*sigh*

Ok now it's over.

This so called life

A few weekends ago I was in the local mall. This mall happens to be a newer version of those that we all grew up with except now they have actual restaurants, cooler fake tile (if such a thing can be said), and wide aisles of yuppie shopping bliss. The latest "thing" in mall development apparently is creating quaint sitting areas filled with leather couches, over stuffed chairs, generic patterned rugs, and gaudy table lamps.

While this is all well and fine I typically ignore these areas, as....um.....duh....I'm in a mall!!

However, on this particular weekend in question I did overhear something amusing which gave me a whole new perspective on the latest in mall development.

Overheard:

Five Year Old Girl: Mom!
Mother of Said Five Year Old Girl: (ignoring Five Year Old Girl)
Five Year Old Girl: Mom!
Mother of Said Five Year Old Girl: (once again ignoring Five Year Old Girl)
Five Year Old Girl: MOM!!!
Me Thinking: Jesus lady HELLO!
Mother of Said Five Year Old Girl: WHAT!?!
Five Year Old Girl: *gasp* Look at all the living rooms in this place!

Kid world perception rocks!

NOTE: It took me 18 words to describe the aforementioned "living room". It took the kid 2.

Click Click BOOM!

It's weird moving to a new place with new types of building codes and rooms that are about as old as you are but yet are considered "new construction". This is where I live right now. In a small 500 square foot room that was built about 3 years before I was born, with a strange and scary heating and cooling system, that despite my advanced degree of education I fear I will never quite understand.

This story is really about the night before last, but lets be honest this really started when I moved in. So I'm from Texas right, and maybe if you're not from Texas I should explain that in Texas, from about March until November, we all run the air conditioner....constantly. Read that again CONSTANTLY. There is no break in air condition running for cool nights or breezy mornings, as that would be a foreign concept in Texas.

So being here, being a Texan, and being that my only way to get circulating air is either through an AC unit or through a sliding glass door with my blinds open to the world, I often (like everyday for 24 hours a day for the past month) run the AC. This was until the night before last in question. It was a rather cool night to begin with, and for some reason it just didn't seem like the AC was providing much cool air, so I walked over to the unit, did the cursory handwave in front of the vents ( hello, hello, helloooooooo) and got nothin. Now I don't know really if this is the truth or it just so happen that the lack of air, having very little knowledge of air conditioners themselves, and my generally paranoia, led me to believe that maybe, JUST MAYBE, the motor was perhaps burning out on this little AC unit. So I did what any woman would to - I turned it OFF, because ignoring problems, just makes them either go away or fixes them right? At 11pm on a work night damn straight it does.

Anyway, so the AC was now off. Life was......still happening somewhat normally or so I thought. And then I heard it:

"Click Click"

Hmm strange - did I hear a clicking? Listening intently......

Nothin.

15 minutes, 30 minutes, 1 hour later who knows.....

"Click Click"

Hmm there it is again - I think it's coming from the heater on the floor. So I get down on my hands and knees (don't even say it) and it seemed that this "clicking" noise was coming from the heater (which vaguely I knew had been running ever since I moved in 1 month previously *shrug* hey I dunno refer to the aforementioned ignore problems they will go away section of this post) . So I went over the the thermostat - which was added fairly recently, flipping down the cover I discovered 4 buttons as follows: up arrow, down arrow, func, and prog.

ASIDE: What the hell ever happened to "ON" and "OFF"!!!!

So I start pushing buttons as any annoyed person with no heater knowledge would do. This does not seem to do anything but change the time, and in my quasi-ADD state that I was already in, I did not have a enough patience to stand there and figure out what really needed to be done, besides I thought the pressing of all 4 buttons in a maniacal random order would fix my "click, click" problem. Hey stranger things have been known to happen.

So I walked back over to the bed, as by this time it was now closer to midnight, climbed inside and proceeded to fall asleep. Needless to say the night might as well have been as sleepless as my first night there. The click click continued all night - waking me up every 15, 30, 60(whatever it was) minutes. At 6:30am when I finally reluctantly rolled out of bed I thought perhaps it would have been better to have taken a bat to the 4 button lack of on/off button thermostat.

Apparently the thermostat overhead my thoughts, and had a long discussion with itself with what I can only guess was most of yesterday the last day of September 2004, because when I walked into my room last night I heard nothing of the click click.

Goodbye click click I will not miss you, but you will forever be in the back of my paranoid thoughts.

Click Click

PBR it ain't your mama's Pabst

If anyone was ever wavering on whether or not I had it in me to be a redneck, rest assured that I've seen it and the ability is live and well. I'm not quite sure if I can attribute this to being far from home, or just that deep down I have a branch of redneck in the genetic pool. Hell what am I talking about of course there's a branch, their might as well be a whole underground root system, my grandfather is after all from Oklahoma.

Yea so anyway, like many nights lately I walked into my very quiet very empty feeling apartment, I snuzzled (did I just use the word snuzzled? *rolling my eyes*) into bed with just the hopes of getting a good night sleep (this has been a bit of a challenge lately for various reasons). As usual, however, I could not sleep...so in true form of nearly every American I turned the television on, in hopes it would suck my brain right out of my head...and oh did it.

After a thorough 60 channel search I happened on none other than the Professional Bull Riders or PBR (one of the few acronym's that about every redneck knows does not stand for Pabst Blue Ribbon) WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP BULL RIDING COMPETITION, in full tilt. Yeehaw baby! Yea read it again, I wrote it.

There was the HAMMER, at the tender age of 5 and one of the toughest bulls ever to enter an arena, homely in looks, but eyes as deep and dark as the black hole of hell. He has been "ridden" (for you non redneck folk that means some man has been able to stay on his back for the max 8 seconds) successfully 7 out of the 25 times he's been saddled up and has a buck off percentage of about 84%

There was PANDORA'S BOX, suitable name for his small meek stature but this one packs one hell of a punch. Only being ridden once out of 28 rides this bull has a buck off percentage of 96.4%. WHOA yea baby yea....... (think Austin Powers)

And then the King of them all, for 3 consecutive years, LITTLE YELLOW JACKET. Yea don't ask me people where they get these names, they are rednecks man, count your blessings that they aren't all named Copenhagen and Budweiser. Little Yellow Jacket has only been ridden 9 out of 69 rides. He's considered one of the toughest most athletic bulls there is today in the sport. (Did that whole sentence just come out of my mouth? Unbelievable)

What can I say, I was enthralled, one of the few sports other than a dog show where the animal is just as much or even more an athlete than the rider. Of course I gotta say, bull riders are some damn fine men generally, something about watching a man get up on a monster, seeing the tension in his body and putting in all he's got.......um......yea......anyway.

As much as I got involved in watching this I of course found the irony. You know what I think is ironic about this? No Sam, why don't you tell the world what IS ironic about this? Well my friends, the irony to me herein lies with the words "world championship". Ok so bull riding is NOT a WORLD sport!! I haven't exactly seen Beckham up on the Hammer pounding one out...although that would be some damn fine entertainment. Ah well what can ya say we are a sick sick people, but I love it.

Ya'll didn't think I had it in me did ya.........

September 11, 2004

Happy Anniversary Heath. It hard to believe that it was three years ago that you and I were joined in an experience we would never forget and always talk about.

About six months previously you and I had made reservations to take a trip to Italy. A new experience for both of us. I can clearly remember being on the phone with the booking agent discussing dates. Originally we had wanted to fly out on September 1 and come back on September 10. The flight we wanted, however, was no longer available, and the agent asked us if returning on September 11, 2001 would work for us.... I think of this so often.

Our trip to Italy was fantastic, I will never forget the things we saw, and experienced, including nearly getting arrested by Italian police for not having a bus ticket. Thank god we were at the station and could slip off before being noticed! At the time I thought that was the most dramatic experience we would encounter in those 2 weeks.

As we boarded the plan to leave Rome, I was sad, but looking forward to getting home. If you have never traveled internationally it's hard to explain the stress that is often associated with traveling outside your own country. I was looking forward to sleeping in my own bed and seeing my boyfriend at the time again.

The next 24 hours was a life changing experience for a lot of people in the world.

We flew from Rome to Gatwick London. Because there was only about 10-12 hours until our flight home to Dallas, Texas we decided the best thing to do was just to hang out in the airport all night. I thought that was one of the most sleepless nights I would ever have. Neither of us felt comfortable enough to fall asleep as there were a lot of people around, and we were never sure how safe it was or if people would try and mess with us. I vaguely remember playing a few games to entertain ourselves and we talked alittle. Luckily around 6am, McDonald's opened and we got something to eat and alittle caffeine something of which we had both been lacking severely. I was tempted, however, to order beer, as McDonald's in both London and Rome sell beer - yea sometimes us Americans don't always have it right.....but I digress.

We soon exhaustedly boarded the plain and like I said were more than ready to get back home. The next thing I remember was about six hours into the flight. Heath was crashed out, and I had already watched all of the in-flight movie selections I was interested in. We were flying on a Boeing 777, which contains individual screens in front of each seat in coach. So being that I couldn't sleep and was just generally bored I decided to watch the flight navigation. This shows you where you are, where you took off from and your destination point. It also gives temperature, speed, velocity and distance to destination. The distance to destination was something like 44oo miles left to Dallas, so we were about 2 hours or so off the east coast of the United States. Suddenly I watched our destination change from Dallas, Texas to a place called Gander Newfoundland. 4400 miles quickly changed to 234 files.


Fellow passangers of our flight in Gander, Newfoundland.

I looked out the window in desperate need to see land - all I saw was the Atlantic ocean, and for just a second - just ONE second I briefly thought of the titanic for some reason. Yea I don't know why - just did.

I immediately woke Heath up and pointed out that our new destination change. Heath told me it was probably just a glitch in the navigation, but I knew it wasn't. A few moments later our pilot came on and said that there had been a "security alert" in the United States, we had been diverted to Gander, and we would be beginning our descent as well as dropping fuel. As the plane began to circle a small island began to come into view. Many thoughts went through my mind, what was happening at home, why were we landing here, was there something wrong with the plane, how was the runway going to be long enough to handle such a big plane. I got answers to these questions much later....

Landing in Gander was surreal, there were about 20 other planes on the ground when we landed, everything from air France, lufansa to swiss air and british airways. Local Canadians were coming by to take pictures, and I just couldn't figure out what was going on.

We sat on that plane for another 10 hours. That's right 10 HOURS. We had no idea what was going on at home, and we spent what it seems like all of that time trying to contact our families through satellite phones on the plane. You can imagine how unsuccessful that attempt was. We did reach my parents at one point, but it was very brief. Some other time I will tell you their side of this story.

Somewhere in the midst of the 10 hours, the pilot played us a BBC broadcast of what had occurred that day in the United States. I remember being numb...I didn't fully understand it, or how horrifying the images were that were associated it until later that day.

They eventually emptied the 20 planes, plane by plane. As we walked through customs they separated out all people of indian and arab descent, I never knew what they did with them, they would join us about 2 hours later. At this point I thought of World War II Germany. As we walked through customs individually we were asked if we were carrying any weapons or illegal arms. My first thought: If I was I would have used them by now to get off of a plane I'd been on for close to 16 hours. My second thought a month later: They never asked me if I had a box cutter.....

Gander closed it's schools and churches, local school bus drivers took us from the airport and in our case to a local church. There were about 250 people on our plane. We all huddled into the church and begged for the church pastor to bring us a television. As we huddled around the television we saw the images that matched the BBC broadcast from earlier for the first time. Again I remember feeling numb. We couldn't stop watching it. Many of us sat there for hours upon hours watching the images over and over again. I remember thinking how unimaginable it all was.

We spent two days in Gander sleeping on church pews...Thank you Gander, for all of your love and kindness, it was surreal.

Finally British Airlines the company that owned our plane decided to bring it's planes back home, so we were forced to fly back to england as the United States was still not allowing any air traffic into it's airspace. British Airways put us up in a hotel for 2 days in Brighton, England. On the third day BA put us on standby for a flight for Houston, it wasn't Dallas, but atleast it would be close to home...

10 hours later and 5 days after our original landing date we finally made it back home. Heath and I were an emotional wreck in every sense of the word, but I can't imagine going through that experience with anyone else. Every time we talk we always find a way to mention something about that experience. Every year at this time I think of him and am happy that we made it through that many other things since. I think about many aspects of this experience often, there are many things that happened that day that I will never understand. We were changed by it...we are no longer the same, but we are here, and that must count for something.

Blog Writers Block

I feel has though for the past couple of weeks I've actually had blog writer's block. I visit my site nearly every day, bored just as much as ya'll are that I have not posted anything new and exciting. You'll be the first to know when I get over this...

Run Babe

Past the arms of the familiar
And their talk of better days
To the comfort of the strangers
Slipping out before they say
so long
Baby loves to run

-Sheryl Crow

This ain't Texas anymore.....deuce.

Here I am, right smack dab in the middle of New England, I can honestly say I never thought I'd be uttering a sentence like that. I've been here about 3 weeks now, and I always forget how long it takes to get settled into a place. Especially a place 2300 miles from the last 20 some odd years of my life.

So a few revelations about Mass, as the locals call it.

They often refer to themselves as Massholes (weird as we always just referred to ourselves as Texans....but ok). apparently the natives are quite unhappy with themselves, and everyone around them. Someone here recently told me "I hate everyone equally" (also weird as we were always taught to "find the good in people") Why so much hate people? Smile for godsakes. This leads me to:

Revelation 1: People don't smile here, and don't smile at them, as you will get a very nasty response back.

Example 1: I was recently in an Office Max buying a pencil, the clerk who rang me up I am sure would have died right there if she had to smile. I paid cash, she gave me my change back counting it five times and then pronounced to me in the most sour tone that "these people are assholes about their money". How is that for customer service....wow. I even told her to have a nice day and she seemingly sneered back at me....shudder.

Revelation 2: People are a little bit in a hurry to get to places that they are never happy about going to in the first place.

Example 2: On my commute into work the road I travel turns from a 1 lane into a 2 lane. On Friday of last week there was a "native" behind me in a hurry to get on with hating his life. So in order not to add to his already ever present hatred I chose to stay in the left lane of the two lane road, as suspected he whipped around me and cut me off (no big deal it was expected). His next two moves, however, were not. After cutting me off another car in the right lane decided they wanted to cut me off too (apparently it was national cut the Texan off day, hate it when nobody tells me these things) . Anyway, they proceeded to cut me off as well and instead of the first offender slowing down or speeding up, they did the most logical thing in that situation....move into the 3rd lane or as I like to call it on-coming traffic. Yes, read it again....ON-COMING TRAFFIC. After a few moments, however, I think he realized this, perhaps was a poor choice. So once again logically he chose to cut the car off who had theoretically "pushed" him into the 3rd lane....this would have been a beautiful maneuver with the exception that he misjudged his distance and this nipped the car's bumper. Wow....nice. So in summary, when in a hurry to get to your already hated life, perhaps a little more care should be taken as to not increase that hatred 10X...just a thought though coming from a lowly ole Texan...heh.

Revelation 3: If ya'll are going to have Texas size rain storms, perhaps you should consider Texas size drainage systems.

Example 3: Mass. rainstorm 2004. I knew better than to make glorious site seeing city plans for the weekend, really I did. I woke up Saturday with big dreams of following a long red line in downtown Boston.

A Long Red Line

Instead, however, my peek out the window was met with thunderous clouds and sheets of rain. This began to subside sometime around mid-afternoon, and as though not to be stuck inside all day I decided to venture out for some local shopping. I was sorely mistaken, however, in my judgement of these rainstorms, as by late afternoon on my way back home, I encountered the most falling water I had ever seen outside of Niagra falls herself. I thought I could quickly navigate home through the sheets, I soon realized, however, that this would not be an easy task. At every turn it seemed not only was the rain pounding my car but 2-3 feet of rain was collecting on the streets and thus making it impossible (and yes I do mean IMPOSSIBLE) to see at any speed over 20mph. It took me 1 hour to get home what normally takes me about 20 minutes. I couldn't even see the hills that I new existed in front of me as I was driving. I had also never seen so many people use their emergency flashing lights as warning in such low visibility. Anyway my point - get some drainage people - you live less than 40 miles from the damn ocean!!

As usual I digress.

Yea so....

Yea so I have taken a job in Massachusetts (yes I had look up how to spell that). Is it wrong to move to another country.... I mean state that you can't even spell? Perhaps. Anyway more on this life changing event later (the obvious reason for my lack of blogging lately).

So I'd like to talk alittle bit today about games. I being single have the pleasure of playing the "single" games. Now for all you married or might as well be married people, I know I know you have your own special games yourselves but I can only speak to which I relate. (Ok that's a lie I speak to things all the time that I can't possibly relate to but this is my blog damnit).

So back to the games....

I think it's only been recently that I've realized how many games I was playing at one time and how many people (whom are even older than me) STILL play them. Why people why? How have we become a culture completely revolved around what other people think of us and a constant manipulation of who we are to please others. I don't think I will ever understand this.

I recently met someone who has brought this issue to my minds forfront. I have found in myself that I am more real to people and myself than I can ever remember being... and it feels damn good. It's almost freeing when you are able to sit down and "tell it like it is". Of course I'm not perfect (unless you ask my mother) and I see myself as having a long way to go in the search for my most genuine self, but wow I feel like fog has been lifted from my eyes and I guess I'm just a little sad to realize that there are still people out there that have not realized this yet.

Guess all I can do is hope....and continue.

Awww look how sappy I am, better get over it people I have a lot of ranting to do about MA ;-p

Chaps my ass...

You know it really chaps my ass when people mis-label music on the internet. Like Dusty Springfield's "Son of a Preacher Man". I know that Dusty was mostly a one hit wonder, but if you're going to download her song atleast realize this and give her credit. Etta James, Aretha Franklin, and Gladys Night have fabulous songs of their own, this ain't one of em.

Do - Re - Mi - Fa - So So So

So there are seven definitions for the adverb So. Isn't that amazing - seven definitions for such a tiny word.

So

Why do I bring this up you ask? For as long as I can remember my family and I have used this word to start almost every sentence we mutter. Note the previous blogs etc, and really it's kinda weird.

Of course my favorite definition from the link above is:

"Apparently; well, then. Used in expressing astonishment, disapproval, or sarcasm: So you think you've got troubles?"

Of course after reading this I begin to understand my family now, a group of disapproving sarcastic bastards that are terrible at expessing their true feelings when it comes to anything resembling an emotion. Astonishing I know. ;-)

I now find myself playing a where's waldo with my so's. *sigh* It doesn't get much better than this people.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

So I have finally gotten off of my apathetic ass and done something for myself. I've been through about 20 interviews give or take a few, and all have ended in rejection...obviously. So much so that when I was called again this week for a phone interview I did my best to have a "whatever, don't care about you attitude" - and trust me by the end of the call I was 90% sure they were not going to call be back for an interview. Lo and behold, however, I get a call yesterday for an on-site interview. I was stunned, actually I think I'm still stunned. If I had known that the Jimmy Buffet, suck my toe attitude worked I would have used that 7 months ago.

This of course all happening after I had decided to finally make changes to what I'm doing and consider a new education program:

Commercial Music Management

I guess I look at it this way - I have finally bought into some insurance for my happiness. So if this next interview doesn't work out, I'm seeking alternatives. Now doesn't that make everyone feel better...yea me either. ;-) What did you expect an entirely shiney happy post? I think not, note the time.

It's finger lickin' good

So I beleive I have just witnessed the most redneck commercial on earth. It was a commercial for KFC which is appropriate enough. I know what you thinking - yea we know - KFC has always been alittle red in the neck how can you not be when you sell chicken in a bucket right? Well now they are at new levels...

The commercial is promoting itself as a sponser of Dale Earnhart Jr., the famous NASCAR race car driver. Wait for it. In normal commercial style there are beautiful women eating greasy KFC chicken (yea right), long shots of Dale standing next to his "KFC/Budwiser" plastered car, and of course the famous gallon bucket of KFC. Wait for it. The new bucket is beautifully designed (if you can say such a thing about a chicken bucket) with checkered flags, a picture of Dale, and his long red number 8 car. Ooooohhhhhh Aaaaaaahhhhhhh

This seems like a normal enough commercial doesn't it? Ok are you ready?

At the end of the commerical it is boasted that KFC encourages you - that's right encourages you to collect all FOUR "collector" Dale Earnhart Jr. chicken buckets.

*Double Take*

No way - collector chicken buckets, are you kidding me? Can you see this:

"Look honey I got all four, let's sit em up on the mantle all pretty like...we'll just turn the grease spots toward the wall"

*Shudder* Maybe this is all just a dream *click click* there's no place like home *click click* there's no place like home..........

This one sucks, don't read it.

Do you ever wonder if life is just one big philosophical experiment? Yea me either. Moslty just a series of very annoying events. I introduced more options into my life today by looking at a community college website, which just happen to have the program I have always been interested in. Or atleast think I am. See this is the true problem in life for some of us - never knowing what we want to be when we grow up.

I thought when I finished high school, it would be best to follow my parents advice get this high tech, high intelligent degree. And even though I busted my ass for 5 years, it was actually starting to pay for itself. Now I find myself on the otherside of the hiring line, and all the disillusionment that comes a long with that.

IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!

I almost feel like a child all over again, faced with big "Adult" decisions and not knowing which one is the right one to make, even though there really is no right or wrong.

Yea, blah, I got nothin witty for today, or even mildly sarcastically funny. Blah.

Music always says it so well

Look who's laughing now,
That you wasted how many years,
And you've barely even tasted
Anything remotely close to
Everything you've boasted about
Look who's crying now.

-Jack Johnson F-Stop Blues

Family - The hits just keep on comin'

I've decided that family is just another group of assholes in the world designed not only to exlempify your weaknesses but also to remind you that the only unconditional love on earth comes from a dog. Ironic given my last post I know.

So last week was my birthday, whoohoo, go me - yea let the depression begin. Wow 27 years gone by and what do I have to show for it - alot probably by most people's standards, but I am a true generation X/Y and know it's just not quite enough. The perfection fault in me just won't let sleeping dogs lie.....bastards.

Anyway on to my point, so while I'm already feeling beat up internally about my current life situation (unemployed and generally unhappy about it) my brother makes his obligatory once a year phone call. I would say that my brother and I have a love hate relationship, mostly we just love to hate each other. In my opnion he makes it easy. ;-)
So here we are at my phone call which is pleasent enough, and then we get to the end. In typical brother style he says his 5-6 jerk statements about how I'm so lazy, and I should just go get a job and stop living off the system, blah blah blah. Apparently he has traded in his shards of glass for a new glass house full of stones.

You know the amazing thing though, these comments didn't actually phase me - my reply only was "well it was nice talking to you, have a great night, goodnight." I guess I am getting gentler in my age. What has made me mad enough to write about it tonight is the fact that he called my mother and told her everything he said. Basically driving her to tears, what a nice son huh? So that kinda pisses me off, as he has no right really to call her and make her all upset about his asshole ways.

You would think this was the end of my story wouldn't you? No there's irony here...after my mother finishes telling me this evening how it upset her, and how he shouldn't have said those highly critcal things on my birthday, and how inappropriate they were, she made the commment (as she always does)that I need to make sure and watch my figure, as that it is very important to these companies I'm interviewing with.

*Double Take*

Family....what a bitch.

Dog - It's what's for breakfast

There's really nothing like waking up to your dog pouncing on you while in bed, and then hearing him run into the dining room to chew on your brand new very cool dining room chairs. Now you watch, in about an hour he'll be hitting his first nap of the day - dead to the world - sometimes I wish dogs understood pay back. Although I guess if they did, they wouldn't provide unconditional love - I'll take the unconditional love, even if he chews the nice chairs.

Perhaps I should say a few words about myself today - get some of my personal angst out as it has already been taken out on a telemarketer and a dog. I'm 27 currently unemployed - which as I go into my 7th month of it's really not that fun anymore. Actually it's never been fun. I would like to clear up the misconception that while I am on an "extended vacation" I am on unemployment, which does not allow one to do all things that one would like to do on an extended vacation - such as oh I dunno - travel, shop, eat expensive dinners.

Where's my sugar daddy when I need him. Damnit.

One moron, Two moron, Three

For those of you who know me and those of you you have yet to know me, I will explain that I am not a morning person. Although I don't mind being awake in the morning, I don't care to be talked to or looked at or just generally interacted with. This is really an unfortunate attitude, however, for Telemarketers who happen into my path any time before noon. Why am I telling you this you ask yourself - well of course because it just so happens one lucky telemarkter made that mistake today:

RING RING RING

My Inner Voice: Grrrrrrrrr

*Looks at caller id*
Out of Area

My Inner Voice: Grrrrrrrr

CLICK - ANSWER PHONE

Me: Hello *bark*

Unfortunate Telemarketer (UT): Hello, Mrs. Bollinger?

Me: You have the wrong number! *bark* *bark*

UT: Oh, no I have the wrong name not the wrong number. *cha-ching*

Me: *growl* I doubt it my number is listed as a do not call *BARK*

UT: Ohhhh, well I will immediately remove your number from our list. *deflated*

CLICK

My Inner Voice: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr *bark, bark, bark*

Anyway I digress, well again for those of you who know me, you know I'll be pissed off about this all day, but I will keep trying to convince myself otherwise.