Friday, September 24, 2004

PBR it ain't your mama's Pabst

If anyone was ever wavering on whether or not I had it in me to be a redneck, rest assured that I've seen it and the ability is live and well. I'm not quite sure if I can attribute this to being far from home, or just that deep down I have a branch of redneck in the genetic pool. Hell what am I talking about of course there's a branch, their might as well be a whole underground root system, my grandfather is after all from Oklahoma.

Yea so anyway, like many nights lately I walked into my very quiet very empty feeling apartment, I snuzzled (did I just use the word snuzzled? *rolling my eyes*) into bed with just the hopes of getting a good night sleep (this has been a bit of a challenge lately for various reasons). As usual, however, I could not in true form of nearly every American I turned the television on, in hopes it would suck my brain right out of my head...and oh did it.

After a thorough 60 channel search I happened on none other than the Professional Bull Riders or PBR (one of the few acronym's that about every redneck knows does not stand for Pabst Blue Ribbon) WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP BULL RIDING COMPETITION, in full tilt. Yeehaw baby! Yea read it again, I wrote it.

There was the HAMMER, at the tender age of 5 and one of the toughest bulls ever to enter an arena, homely in looks, but eyes as deep and dark as the black hole of hell. He has been "ridden" (for you non redneck folk that means some man has been able to stay on his back for the max 8 seconds) successfully 7 out of the 25 times he's been saddled up and has a buck off percentage of about 84%

There was PANDORA'S BOX, suitable name for his small meek stature but this one packs one hell of a punch. Only being ridden once out of 28 rides this bull has a buck off percentage of 96.4%. WHOA yea baby yea....... (think Austin Powers)

And then the King of them all, for 3 consecutive years, LITTLE YELLOW JACKET. Yea don't ask me people where they get these names, they are rednecks man, count your blessings that they aren't all named Copenhagen and Budweiser. Little Yellow Jacket has only been ridden 9 out of 69 rides. He's considered one of the toughest most athletic bulls there is today in the sport. (Did that whole sentence just come out of my mouth? Unbelievable)

What can I say, I was enthralled, one of the few sports other than a dog show where the animal is just as much or even more an athlete than the rider. Of course I gotta say, bull riders are some damn fine men generally, something about watching a man get up on a monster, seeing the tension in his body and putting in all he's

As much as I got involved in watching this I of course found the irony. You know what I think is ironic about this? No Sam, why don't you tell the world what IS ironic about this? Well my friends, the irony to me herein lies with the words "world championship". Ok so bull riding is NOT a WORLD sport!! I haven't exactly seen Beckham up on the Hammer pounding one out...although that would be some damn fine entertainment. Ah well what can ya say we are a sick sick people, but I love it.

Ya'll didn't think I had it in me did ya.........

1 comment:

jackie said...

dude. don't be ridiculous--i SO knew you had it in ya.

and by the way--beckham on a bull sounds pretty interesting...8 beautiful seconds... that might even call for the other PBR. maybe even 6. (NOTE: cans, none of this yuppie long neck shit.)