Monday, August 23, 2004

This ain't Texas anymore.....deuce.

Here I am, right smack dab in the middle of New England, I can honestly say I never thought I'd be uttering a sentence like that. I've been here about 3 weeks now, and I always forget how long it takes to get settled into a place. Especially a place 2300 miles from the last 20 some odd years of my life.

So a few revelations about Mass, as the locals call it.

They often refer to themselves as Massholes (weird as we always just referred to ourselves as Texans....but ok). apparently the natives are quite unhappy with themselves, and everyone around them. Someone here recently told me "I hate everyone equally" (also weird as we were always taught to "find the good in people") Why so much hate people? Smile for godsakes. This leads me to:

Revelation 1: People don't smile here, and don't smile at them, as you will get a very nasty response back.

Example 1: I was recently in an Office Max buying a pencil, the clerk who rang me up I am sure would have died right there if she had to smile. I paid cash, she gave me my change back counting it five times and then pronounced to me in the most sour tone that "these people are assholes about their money". How is that for customer I even told her to have a nice day and she seemingly sneered back at me....shudder.

Revelation 2: People are a little bit in a hurry to get to places that they are never happy about going to in the first place.

Example 2: On my commute into work the road I travel turns from a 1 lane into a 2 lane. On Friday of last week there was a "native" behind me in a hurry to get on with hating his life. So in order not to add to his already ever present hatred I chose to stay in the left lane of the two lane road, as suspected he whipped around me and cut me off (no big deal it was expected). His next two moves, however, were not. After cutting me off another car in the right lane decided they wanted to cut me off too (apparently it was national cut the Texan off day, hate it when nobody tells me these things) . Anyway, they proceeded to cut me off as well and instead of the first offender slowing down or speeding up, they did the most logical thing in that situation....move into the 3rd lane or as I like to call it on-coming traffic. Yes, read it again....ON-COMING TRAFFIC. After a few moments, however, I think he realized this, perhaps was a poor choice. So once again logically he chose to cut the car off who had theoretically "pushed" him into the 3rd lane....this would have been a beautiful maneuver with the exception that he misjudged his distance and this nipped the car's bumper. Wow....nice. So in summary, when in a hurry to get to your already hated life, perhaps a little more care should be taken as to not increase that hatred 10X...just a thought though coming from a lowly ole Texan...heh.

Revelation 3: If ya'll are going to have Texas size rain storms, perhaps you should consider Texas size drainage systems.

Example 3: Mass. rainstorm 2004. I knew better than to make glorious site seeing city plans for the weekend, really I did. I woke up Saturday with big dreams of following a long red line in downtown Boston.

A Long Red Line

Instead, however, my peek out the window was met with thunderous clouds and sheets of rain. This began to subside sometime around mid-afternoon, and as though not to be stuck inside all day I decided to venture out for some local shopping. I was sorely mistaken, however, in my judgement of these rainstorms, as by late afternoon on my way back home, I encountered the most falling water I had ever seen outside of Niagra falls herself. I thought I could quickly navigate home through the sheets, I soon realized, however, that this would not be an easy task. At every turn it seemed not only was the rain pounding my car but 2-3 feet of rain was collecting on the streets and thus making it impossible (and yes I do mean IMPOSSIBLE) to see at any speed over 20mph. It took me 1 hour to get home what normally takes me about 20 minutes. I couldn't even see the hills that I new existed in front of me as I was driving. I had also never seen so many people use their emergency flashing lights as warning in such low visibility. Anyway my point - get some drainage people - you live less than 40 miles from the damn ocean!!

As usual I digress.

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