This morning the power went out at my house. I probably wouldn't have even noticed had my fan (we have no AC) not turned off and my cell phone beeped. You know you'd think electricity and providing it to homes for a solid sixty years would be a fairly simple thing to fix but no not really because I can't even seem to make it through all the menus to talk to someone about it....
First I called T-Mobile to get the number for our Nstar our energy provider. The first statement made at T-Mobile is, please press 1 for english, primero numero dos por espanol. THIS ANNOYS THE FUCK OUT OF ME!!!! We speak english here god damnit!! Did I mention it was early, and that I had no caffiene, and I was watching ice cream melt in the refrigerator? How tempted was I to press numero dos, just for the sheer entertainment of it....anyway
T-mobile gave me a 1-800 number for Nstar, which they did not connect me to. For some reason which I haven't cared enough to ask T-mobile does not make connections to 1-800 numbers for you....annoying!
On my way to work I called the 1-800 number (that I wrote in blood on my passenger side window). Once again I was asked for an english or spanish option, shouldn't you only have to answer the question once a day, can't it just carry over to all services you communiciate with, you know like it use to in the fifties. :-)
The NStar recorded message informs me that I will have 7 options to choose from as follows: If this is an emergency please hang up and call 911 (no shit huh?) If you have a street light out please press one (who reports street lights out?) If the power seems to be off at your residence please press two (seems to be out? It's out you motherfuckers, I can clearly tell that even without my advanced degree in electrical engineering. Remember no caffiene :-)) So I press two in which Nstar informs me that all calls may be recorded for quality assurance (this is great because usually this indicates that I may be talking to a human being relatively soon). Next the recorded message tells me to check the circuit breaker in my house and to flip it if i haven't noticed my neighbors electricity also being out. Hmm it's 7am there is no way of telling if my neighbors electricity is out (alhtough I would bet it is) and I'm not driving back to my house to reset the circuit breaker. Luckily the message continued "if you've already tried to reset the circuit breaker press 1." Hell if they can ask me to select between english and spanish I can definately lie and say I reset the circuit breaker. It's at this point that I am thinking there is going to be light at the end of the tunnel. Oh silly me for having hope. The next nstar message asked me to enter my telephone number and/or account number..........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK! I of course had neither of those on my person on the way to work. *sigh* It was at that point with all will to live drained out of me that I hung up and just hoped that soon my roomate would wake up sweating (no fans on anymore) in t-minus 20 minutes and take care of the problem. So much for trying to resolve a problem more proactively. I was tempted to call 911, I think it would have gone something like this:
911: 911 emergency what is your emergency?
me: T-mobile keeps speaking to me in spanish, and the Nstar menus are too complicated.
911: Ma'am that is not an emergency.
me: No but dealing with this shit before 8am with no caffiene is. :-)