Single

Well here I am 29 years old, still single....as usual. Mostly it's really fine until I come to evenings like these where I sit....alone...reading....watching a chick flick Bridget Jones' Diary to be exact....and drinking wine....alone. Most of my friends and co-workers (read all of them) are no longer single. One in fact just got married this last weekend. It was great to see all my friends again, and watch and share in the happiness of the beginning of a new marriage. I have to wonder though that when you get into a relationship it's almost as I would imagine what it is to have a child, write a dissertation, or have surgery, after a few years you forget what it was before any of that happened...the emotions you felt and the motions you went through. In the case of being single from time to time it's a overwhelming sense of vastness, aloneness, that your married friends just don't seem to relate to. A feeling of being shut out. Now of course rationally I know that relationships are no safe harbor in a tulmultous sea of existence. Each of us bonded to somone or not still have wants, desires, feelings of lonliness. I know that there ahve been times even in my own life where I have felt more alone than I do now while standing right in the middle of a relationship. As I've gotten older as most single people do I think I once in awhile give note to a struggle between hope of being with someone and the desire to become apathatic and completely jaded to that notion. I know I know I'm only 29.....blah blah blah....but next year I will be 30...and then 31....and then....