And then there were none

...

2008-09-19T21:00:00.002-05:00

I actually feel like this is some kinda of karma coming back on me for breaking the heart of someone who dearly loved me what seems like long ago.

Bitter, table for one please

2008-09-19T20:55:00.003-05:00

You know, I'm trying very hard not to be bitter at 31, but I'm not sure I can quite manage it. I just received my second and a half rejection from another guy. And the funny part is, he's not that great of a guy, he isn't someone I would think to spend long term with or even share interests with necessarily, but yet here I am pissed off at being rejected once again. He chose the other woman. A married woman who lives 2500 miles away with a small child and a husband who has recently been committed to a mental institution. No really I wish I could make this up people, I can't. This I swear is insanity. I feel like I wasn't picked for the dodgeball game, I feel like I never win, I feel like it's unfair that life is so unfair. It's just not right.

One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind

2008-09-18T10:08:00.001-05:00

Although my disapointment in myself and my own life has continued today in all facets, I will share a small tiny stupid victory. While emptying my trashes around the apartment today to take out to the curb, the small piece for a cord wrapping around my power cord fell out of one of the trashes onto the floor. I thought I had lost it forever and had become albiet stupid, alittle sad about that. But well there it was...

Disappointed

2008-09-17T21:20:00.002-05:00

I see it's been more than a year since I've updated my blog. That makes me disappointed in myself, on top of the disappointment I'm already feeling today about myself. Life never seems easy why is that? I could use some stability in my life more so than what I've got now or what I've had in the last ten years. Enough moving and restructuring and starting all over again every three years. I'm tired I want to lay down.

sigh

What if....

2007-04-14T10:37:00.000-05:00

What if having to put all liquids into a ziploc bag before going through TSA security is just a ploy by Ziploc to increase profits?

Follow the directions

2007-03-22T12:20:00.000-05:00

Do you ever feel like life is one big experiment in how to follow directions? I do. Why can't people follow directions? Why is it so hard for the general population? Why do they ask so many questions when in fact they have not bothered to read and understand the directions. I don't get it. At one time I use to think maybe it's just because we are so illterate here in America. But no this is a cross cultural thing I'm finding out. It must be related to common sense and the average population not having any. Sort of stunning really...

Single

2006-11-10T22:08:00.000-05:00

Well here I am 29 years old, still single....as usual. Mostly it's really fine until I come to evenings like these where I sit....alone...reading....watching a chick flick Bridget Jones' Diary to be exact....and drinking wine....alone. Most of my friends and co-workers (read all of them) are no longer single. One in fact just got married this last weekend. It was great to see all my friends again, and watch and share in the happiness of the beginning of a new marriage. I have to wonder though that when you get into a relationship it's almost as I would imagine what it is to have a child, write a dissertation, or have surgery, after a few years you forget what it was before any of that happened...the emotions you felt and the motions you went through. In the case of being single from time to time it's a overwhelming sense of vastness, aloneness, that your married friends just don't seem to relate to. A feeling of being shut out. Now of course rationally I know that relationships are no safe harbor in a tulmultous sea of existence. Each of us bonded to somone or not still have wants, desires, feelings of lonliness. I know that there ahve been times even in my own life where I have felt more alone than I do now while standing right in the middle of a relationship. As I've gotten older as most single people do I think I once in awhile give note to a struggle between hope of being with someone and the desire to become apathatic and completely jaded to that notion. I know I know I'm only 29.....blah blah blah....but next year I will be 30...and then 31....and then....

Marriage: As explained by my friend Joe

2006-08-02T09:59:00.000-05:00

It's been shown that men who marry live longer, where as women who stay single live longer than those who get married, which is why men give a woman a diamond at marriage, it's like payment for sucking the soul out of you.

Capitalism + Internet

2006-07-13T15:25:00.000-05:00

Looking for Serial Killer Items?
Find exactly what you want today.
www.ebay.com

There is something just alittle to cheery and marketable about this ad.

Why is this so hard?

2006-07-12T08:09:00.000-05:00

This morning the power went out at my house. I probably wouldn't have even noticed had my fan (we have no AC) not turned off and my cell phone beeped. You know you'd think electricity and providing it to homes for a solid sixty years would be a fairly simple thing to fix but no not really because I can't even seem to make it through all the menus to talk to someone about it....

First I called T-Mobile to get the number for our Nstar our energy provider. The first statement made at T-Mobile is, please press 1 for english, primero numero dos por espanol. THIS ANNOYS THE FUCK OUT OF ME!!!! We speak english here god damnit!! Did I mention it was early, and that I had no caffiene, and I was watching ice cream melt in the refrigerator? How tempted was I to press numero dos, just for the sheer entertainment of it....anyway

T-mobile gave me a 1-800 number for Nstar, which they did not connect me to. For some reason which I haven't cared enough to ask T-mobile does not make connections to 1-800 numbers for you....annoying!

On my way to work I called the 1-800 number (that I wrote in blood on my passenger side window). Once again I was asked for an english or spanish option, shouldn't you only have to answer the question once a day, can't it just carry over to all services you communiciate with, you know like it use to in the fifties. :-)

The NStar recorded message informs me that I will have 7 options to choose from as follows: If this is an emergency please hang up and call 911 (no shit huh?) If you have a street light out please press one (who reports street lights out?) If the power seems to be off at your residence please press two (seems to be out? It's out you motherfuckers, I can clearly tell that even without my advanced degree in electrical engineering. Remember no caffiene :-)) So I press two in which Nstar informs me that all calls may be recorded for quality assurance (this is great because usually this indicates that I may be talking to a human being relatively soon). Next the recorded message tells me to check the circuit breaker in my house and to flip it if i haven't noticed my neighbors electricity also being out. Hmm it's 7am there is no way of telling if my neighbors electricity is out (alhtough I would bet it is) and I'm not driving back to my house to reset the circuit breaker. Luckily the message continued "if you've already tried to reset the circuit breaker press 1." Hell if they can ask me to select between english and spanish I can definately lie and say I reset the circuit breaker. It's at this point that I am thinking there is going to be light at the end of the tunnel. Oh silly me for having hope. The next nstar message asked me to enter my telephone number and/or account number..........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK! I of course had neither of those on my person on the way to work. *sigh* It was at that point with all will to live drained out of me that I hung up and just hoped that soon my roomate would wake up sweating (no fans on anymore) in t-minus 20 minutes and take care of the problem. So much for trying to resolve a problem more proactively. I was tempted to call 911, I think it would have gone something like this:

911: 911 emergency what is your emergency?
me: T-mobile keeps speaking to me in spanish, and the Nstar menus are too complicated.
911: Ma'am that is not an emergency.
me: No but dealing with this shit before 8am with no caffiene is. :-)

Tempting....

Two nine

2006-06-16T13:05:00.000-05:00

Another birthday is here and passed....what is it about getting older that makes time seem more surreal. How do birthday's become the mundane in life even though the child in all of us wishes for a big deal. My family is pretty big on birthday's and celebrating. More so I am finding out than many people and other families I have encounterd. And really to be honest I'm kinda glad about that. It's nice to be celebrated as a person amoung the people who love you. In life as we all search for ourselves and where we belong, there is this one thing that is atleast comforting and feeding to that....when someone recognizes your birthday....they recognize you as a person in the world searching for the same things we all look for from others, love, happiness, non-judgement, acceptance. As the next year continues I think I will strive for more acceptance of others....as that seems to be which I search for myself the most.

Friends 4ever

2006-05-22T19:39:00.000-05:00

One of my good friends and her man are in Europe for the next ten days....I miss them. :-(

Working with geeks

2006-05-12T08:03:00.000-05:00

Overheard today at work:

"It's a good song, it's just the lyrics that I don't really care for."

Need I say more?

I hate the pants that I'm wearing today

2006-05-10T08:34:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you just feel stuck in life, like all you're doing is spending time going through the motions with no change, no dreams, and nothing to look forward to. I know we all go through these sort of life cycles, but all the raional in the world can't really make me not be in the muck of it right now.

I want to make a change, but I'm not sure how or what change to make exactly. There are times when I just want to say fuck it, pack up all my stuff and just go home and hide for awhile, burden my family for awhile, but then this intrinsic responsibility side kicks in and stops me. I hate that.

A friend of mine jokingly tells me "never happy" but maybe that is more true than I want to admit. I think sometimes I'd be happy if this or this or this, sometimes I do actually feel happy in a moment, and I can definately feel happy for others, but I rarely can say that I'm happy about many things or even sometimes a few things in my own life.

blah....this was all spurned by the fact that I really hate the pants I'm wearing today.

Into the woods

2006-05-07T18:34:00.000-05:00

I called my father today and told him that I went camping last night. He got a good solid laugh on the phone for about 5 minutes. Not because I'm necessarily the girl who is too girly to go camping, but more because when I use to go camping with him I followed him around the tent with a dustbuster. Hey I was 10 what did you want from me? I had to entertain myself somehow. :-) So yea I went camping this weekend, and you know it was fun. It was nice to do something just completely different from the norm and out of my element. I met up with my friend Jake and we hiked out into a Massachusetts state forest near where his parents live. We hiked only about 2 miles with a day's worth of food and water, our sleeping bags and a tent. We built a fire and roasted hot dogs and marshmellows. It hasn't been since I was a child that I had done all of that. Jake told campfire stories about bigfoot and what they call "har" up here. Basically a bigfoot type creature that runs around screaming "haaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrr!" So many things I could say to this, but really is it necessary, ya'll can use your imagination. :-)

Of course the next morning I kinda realized why it has been so long, as my entire body was sore from laying on the ground, not too mention I forgot how incredibly cold about 40 degree weather is when you're sleeping out in it :-). The best thing about camping I was reminded of was coming home and taking a shower and a nap in my own bed. I don't know how people did it during the great move west, sleeping on the ground from place to place, I'm sure their bodies were much more adjusted. As my father told me "we've grown soft." Soft or not I still had a great time, and another memory has been created.

Does he think it went as well as I did?

2006-04-30T16:57:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I had a drink (or 3) on Friday night with a boy, er guy, er person of the opposite sex. How I met this guy is actually kinda weird karma crazy, but that's not what I want to talk about today. I like this guy, I mean he is way cool. So cool that I actually started to pick up words that I swore SWORE I would NEVER utter, such as "wicked". Yea I said it 3 times that night, and you know what they say something about emulation being the biggest form of flattery, I apparently was all about it.

This is what I've come to realize though about dating...the worst part is never the pre-game, nor the actual date itself. It's this whole ether after that you enter into waiting. You're waiting to know does this person really like you, will they continue to like you, were they just faking that whole 6 hours they chose to hang out with you. Were they just humoring you when you turned up to kiss them. Yea what the fuck man, I mean really I feel like I'm 15 all over again continuely for DAYS!

It's obvious that I like him as I am now obsessing about this like a silly girl. Analyzing every moment that happened between us, looking for any sign of disinterest so I can run run run away and say see I told you so. :-p

Change of subject

2006-04-20T21:37:00.000-05:00

I'm only writing this post because I was tired of coming here and seeing that stupid post about my mother. Currently my life feels like a blur of just regular days one right after another.

On a positive note (I know right stand back)...my aerobics instructor complimented me after class on Monday saying my "range of motion and flexibility have really improved." So that's pretty cool, it was a nice compliment and somewhat better than the usual, oh you've lost weight you look great. Not that I don't mind those either. :-)

So something to look forward to telling all the men in my life....wait....

Mother

2006-03-31T09:18:00.000-05:00

My mother has just left after spending a week here in New England. What is it about mothers that are a joy to have and at the same time annoying to have visit. It's amazing to me that no matter how old I get there is a component of our relationship that never changes. She still thinks she knows what's best, she still tells me what to do, and she still freely gives me her opinions about my hair, clothes, appearance, lifestyle, . But I guess this is what we expect from our mothers too.

My mother did bring a certain interesting story with her this time taken out of eastern philosophy. I'm not sure where she came up with this, as my mother is a pretty traditional baptist Texan, but the story she talked about was interesting and i was proud of her for kind of stepping out of her bounds. This was the story she relayed to me:

"One day some people came to the master and asked: How can you be happy in a world of such impermanence, where you cannot protect your loved ones from harm, illness or death? The master held up a glass and said: Someone gave me this glass; It holds my water admirably and it glistens in the sunlight. I touch it and it rings! One day the wind may blow it off the shelf, or my elbow may knock it from the table. I know this glass is already broken, so I enjoy it -- incredibly." (Theravandan Meditation Master) - Achaan Chah Subato

At first when she told me this I really didn't think about it much, but since then I've been thinking about it nearly constantly. That the moment that you buy something or engage in something or begin something it is broken, or finished, or ending. This idea resonates powerfully for me, as sometimes I find myself so involved with trying to keep it new, fresh, to find the meaning or to understand, that I immobilize myself. So I have found if I can figure out how to accept that the cup is already broken the moment I buy it or come in contact with it, maybe I can find freedom in that. Freedom from feeling so trapped and sad by so many things in life that don't seemingly work out...even though many times it turns out to be a blessing. Freedom in the realization that things never remain the same, and although hard for I think many of us to accept really is a way to be more at peace knowing that the moment we aqure the cup it is already broken and we are then free to enjoy it for what it is in the time that we have it. Perhaps even more so than we once would have before having that realization.

On vacation

2006-03-06T10:59:00.000-05:00

Overheard at work this morning while a co-worker described his recent vacation

"You know there is only so much drinking, and laying around in the sun you can do...."

Ummmmm....NO THERE ISN'T.....

Yankees... *rolling my eyes*

Morning Conversations

2006-03-01T00:40:00.000-05:00

It's nearly 1am, I can't sleep because my brain refuses to shut off, I instigate the following online conversation with my friend Jon:

Me: where is the off switch?
Jon: In the medicine cabinet
Me: are you sure it's not in the liquor cabinet?
Jon: All depends on if you're planning to turn it back on
Me: oh right
Me: actually I think that would probably involve more of a Jamaica Plain* type deal

Jamaica Plain for those of you not familiar with the finer of New England areas is as you might imagine the understood "hood" of the area.

Hmm I wonder if I will find this post not so entertaining tomorrow and want to delete it altogether

Role Models

2006-02-16T08:17:00.000-05:00

You know I find that fashion is an interesting genre, actually I find to be not so interesting. Most things that are so subjective I find total lack of interest in because I find that it is those things that stifle others of their own inviduality, curiousity and experimentation. Which frankly is tragic.

Recently the Olsen twins have been selected a fashion representatives for the Badgley Mischka ad campaign, I found the following quote somehwat laughable:

"The designers said the 19-year-old actresses "reflect the younger, edgier and more sensual glamour that we have incorporated in our latest fall collection.""

You mean they reflect the younger, sickly looking, waifer, no curves, no boobs, anorexic toting glamour that seems to be ALL the rage these days. Great role models! *sigh*

In which I rant, you rant, we all rant

2006-01-19T09:12:00.000-05:00

If you've ever sat around and wondered why the world hates us (the good ole US of A), I think one ought not look further than American Idol. For the 12 millionth season now, I have been sucked into the revolving door of a car crash that is the first two weeks of American Idol. Seriously, what are these people THINKING?! Wait, wait, wait, let me stop right there, you see this is my problem, I think everyone MUST be thinking SOMETHING, when in reality I think the first two weeks of American Idol are really just one big race to retardism.

You know back in the eighties when they use to do those "don't do drugs" commercials with the frying pan and 2 eggs, yea come on you remember. The frying pan sizzling with yummy succulent bacon grease...mmm bacon. "This is drugs!!" The cracking of two fresh from the chicken loins eggs into the pan. "This is your brain on drugs" Crack sizzle pop....mmm breakfast. No see WHAT THEY SHOULD have had to discourage drug use in the eighties was a forward looking american idol tryouts. "if you do drugs your kids will turn out to be these RETARDS in front of ALL of AMERICA." Eh what am I saying, neither one of those commercials would have prevented drugs.

We are so totally fucked.

UPDATED SIDE NOTE: I ran a spell check on this post and it caught the word succlent mis-spelled (I spelled it with only 1 c), the alternate choice the checker gave me: Swaizeland. WHAT THE FUCK?! The retardism it is spreading! *sigh*

The obvious, not so obvious

2006-01-13T11:32:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine sent me a link to wikipedia, about an internet slang word w00t. This of course led me to look up other internet slang words like l33t.

Leet however is apparently a translation language used in Hong Kong:

Original	Converted	Meaning
屌你阿媽	屌亻尔阝可女馬	Fuck your mother (vulgar)
硬膠仔	石更月翏亻子	Very stupid boy (vulgar)
不願作答	不原頁亻乍答	Not willing to answer it
鋪頭	金甫豆頁	A shop
仆街	亻卜彳圭亍	Fall down on the street (vulgar)

I love how they put the identifier (vulgar) next to fuck your mother, because perhaps it wasn't obvious.

Grace

2006-01-13T09:07:00.000-05:00

Today I looked up the word grace in the dictionary.

It has 11 definitions....I'm sure there is irony in there somewhere.

Reasons why.....

2005-12-22T09:30:00.000-05:00

...workers should not be made to work right up until Christmas:

They write holiday poetry on the flip charts
More than usual they forward stupid little email chains
They force the wierd cookies their spouses have made on you
They all have the weird Jack Nicolson crazy look from the Shining
They whine about not winning the plasma tv door prize at their spouses company party

Seriously the productivity or lack there of isn't worth it....MORE VACATION FOR ALL!

Brought to you by the letter X, as in X-mas

Just a tinge

2005-12-20T16:43:00.000-05:00

The nice thing about getting grey hair semi young is that initially people just think it's blond highlights. "Oh have you highlighted your hair it looks great!" "No no this is all natural baby"

Inconsideration

2005-12-19T21:23:00.000-05:00

It's not that I don't notice people being inconsiderate during other times of the year, but the holidays for some reason seem to bring out the worst in people or so it seems. Maybe my patience is just a little lower during this time of the year. Whatever the reason I just can't help but notice the new member of the aerobics class who acts like she owns the place with her 6 foot frame crowding the rest of us to the outskirts of the room. Or the psychoicness of the need to claim parking spaces 6 months in advance. Or the simple thoughtlessness of not picking up after yourself....even though you think "eh someone else will do it." Yes someone else will do it but they shouldn't HAVE to do it. What's wrong with you people...get over yourself and be kinder damnit....

And if you don't remember here's a reminder from "The Little Pink Book of Ettiquette":

1. Focus on Others. It's not about you.
2. Think before you act
3. Think before you speak
4. Wait your turn
5. Listen when others speak
6. Pick up after yourself.
7. Assist those in need
8. Respect people who are different from you
9. Be patient and kind
10. Smile

Now I know even myself am no champion of these 10 things...but there is nothing wrong with constantly trying....

It's 4:54 am do you know where you are?

2005-12-06T04:54:00.000-05:00

The correct response of course would be the jungle....but personally I'm sitting in bed...awake....

This seemingly has become a theme for me the last 5 or so nights, I start coughing around 2am, get up around 2:30am. I think about going back to sleep until 3am. Coughing some more, and finally signing onto a computer somewhere to write some way past due emails. I've noticed that if awake enough I can get alot done at 4am. 28 emails to be exact. Infact I'd almost say some of my best work, but then again who's to judge 4am work anyway. This post for example while I will continue to babble on for atleast another sentence or 2 or 10....it won't be any great work of art...just some drivel...with alittle more drivel, topped with some drivel.

See who needs drugs with a personality like this I ask.

Say goodnight Sam. Goodnight Sam.

The way I see it...

2005-12-02T15:59:00.000-05:00

We on earth are slowly falling into the sun on our decaying orbit....and if we don't decay completely, eventually the sun will grow to encompass us.

So the way I see it is, why bother with a tombstone? Although it kinda sucks for those people you seriously didn't want to be creamated.

Just curious....

*Thanks to Jackie for verifying a few scientific techincal details

They irony of getting older

2005-11-10T09:03:00.000-05:00

"Usually life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop to look around once in awhile you could miss it." ~ Ferris Bueller

I had a moment this morning where everything slowed down, for a brief 3 minutes. My life was in slow motion as I walked through the double doors into work, sporting my wool/cashmere blend coat, and a rage against the machine cd....hmm....yea....I'm getting older.

Oh how life changes when you can afford things.

Just an observation

2005-10-27T08:37:00.001-05:00

They play a lot of Led Zepplin in New England.

Remind me

2005-10-25T09:45:00.000-05:00

Not to take the red-eye back from California, even if I did have a fabulously long and great weekend.

Melodramatic

2005-10-11T09:15:00.000-05:00

Someday my heart will grow so cold it will collapse within me.

Test 1-2-3

2005-10-02T19:26:00.000-05:00

In a pursuit to take better care of myself , I've been working on taking better care of my fingernails. I know maybe that sounds alittle odd. It's not that I bite them or chew on them or that they necessarily look bad, but I am certainly not gentle in using my hands for everything! I know it's hard to believe, using hands.....

Anyway, I had enacted big nail plans today, nails brushed, cuticles pushed back, cleaned and finally polished to help with both growth and protection. I was feeling great not just over my little stride in nail care but in my general accomplishments and high spirits over the weekend as well as perserverance through a previous stressful week. Things were going good....and then....

I walked happily out of Whole Foods threw my healthy hippie groceries in the back seat and turned the key on my car....nothin. My car was dead. Of course I immediately went through the whole list of people I knew that would be willing to help me out. I hate asking people for help, there is something innate in me that feels guilty to rely on people, but of course I was going to have to rely on someone. I tried my roommate first, but no answer. So rather than decide what to do next I called my mother. Not that she could help me from 2300 miles away but hey it was atleast a way to push out the stress, and maybe just maybe get alittle motherly sympathy. Which is exactly what I got, and by the time she was done listing out all the scenarios for me my roommate was home and able to come help me out.

There is nothing more aggravating than car troubles. For me it pretty much killed all of the tasks I had planned to get done today outside of the house and push them all into the week. Oh well. Oh and I did remove my own battery, buy another one and install it...so much for the nails. One day I will win!! ;-)

Overheard

2005-09-25T16:16:00.000-05:00

In the Old Navy dressing room:

Daughter to Mother: These make me look short
Mother to Daughter: You are short.

Nothing like your own mother to keep things in perspective.

I'm just sayin

2005-09-16T08:27:00.000-05:00

On the way in this morning I saw a duely truck advertising "Old World Construction". Sort of common around here to see trucks like that adverstising their small buisnesses.

On this specific truck, the owner had his name printed:

Murdock J. Mackenzie 3rd

Ok so I think if you're pompous enough to announce that you are thrice the generation of your family name, AND you run a company with the name "Old World" in it. That mayperhaps you should print your name as follows:

Murdock J. Mackenzie III

What does "3rd" tell me, that you're alittle more common man than "III"? I'm just sayin, but hey the guy drives a duley, we'll just chalk it up to being a redneck...

Bird by bird

2005-09-14T22:10:00.000-05:00

"Thirty years ago my older brother, who was ten years old at the time, was trying to get a report on birds written that he'd had three months to write. [It] was due the next day. We were out at our family cabin in Bolinas, and he was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder, paper, and pencils and unopened books on birds, immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead. Then my father sat down beside him, put his arm around my brother's shoulder and said 'Bird by bird buddy. Just take it bird by bird.'" -- From the Book Bird by Bird by AnnLamott

School's out forever

2005-09-13T07:53:00.000-05:00

I'm guessing here as in most of the country kids have gone back to school. I don't have any kids myself to verify this, but I think the long lines of kids loitering on the street early in the morning and the big yellow buses driving all over everywhere are a good indication.

Since moving I've found that I now commute to work on one particular school bus route, which I've come actually to find quite entertaining. The bus that I always seem to catch at the right time, stops at two places along my commute. The first stop is an apartment complex. I didn't know they allowed so many children to live in apartment complexes, I'd almost be willing to bet there is some sort of underground smuggling at this particular place if my rational mind and caffeine didn't take over. Anyway this is an interesting group of children, mostly girls, including a set of twins. Every morning as they walk away from their mothers standing in there in mismatched pajamas and flip flops (I could be a mother btw just on this description alone), with looks of "thank god" on their face, the little girls wave back to their mothers, almost walking backwards most of the time, they wave and wave and wave and wave. It's almost like they are getting on the titanic and will never be seen again type wave. Soon after, however, it is apparent that their very own mothers are forgotten as they hold hands and skip down the aisle of the bus, to crowd together and talk about whatever exciting things little girls talk about these days.

The second stop is outside of a house, not but 1/2 mile down the road. Now, why this particular child can't hike it down to the apartment complex bus stop, I do not know. But when I was a kid....well you get the picture. This kid I think is my favorite morning entertainment so far. I've been on this commute/bus route for about a week now and everytime we come to the house, the exact same thing happens. (Maybe next week I can get the kid to pick out some lottery numbers for me since he is so predictable) This slight blond haired gangly little boy with his big spiderman backpack walks down the driveway with his mother. His mother is always well dressed, seemingly on her way to work soon after I assume. Anyway, every day this little boy walks confidently with his mother down the long drive way to the awaiting school bus doors. He usually takes one step into the bus, and then begins the tantrum. We're talking flailing arms, and crying, and screaming (I can't ever hear the screaming over the loud Sinead O'Conor I have blasting, but I can certainly see the kids tonsels). I'm sure his mother would like nothing less but to beat this child into submission, but I suppose one has to respect the innocence of the other children already on the bus. So after about 3 minutes of a tantrum, arms and legs failing, sitting down on the ground, mighty spiderman backpack deflated, his mother picks him up and drags him back to the house, perhaps to ensue beating behind close doors I'm not sure, but the kid always seems relieved not to have to get on the bus, and walks head held high in defiance back to the house.

Ah childhood, it's days like this that I miss it. I wish that I too could walk up to the mighty doors of work, throw my badge down, cry and scream, and flail, and squash my texas longhorn computer bag into the concrete. And that somehow my mother would magically appear, cover me in a james brownesqe cape, and walk me home. Ah well I suppose in all things there are repercussions, in the kids case, not being able to sit for a week, and in mine, not being allowed to sit for a week and collect a paycheck.

Oh the irony.

Defeat

2005-09-08T22:18:00.000-05:00

Grass is always greener syndrome 1
The Sam 0

For the pessimist and protestant in all of us

2005-09-05T20:08:00.000-05:00

Things to Think

Think in ways you've never thought before,
If the phone rings, think of it as carrying a message
Larger than anything you've ever heard,
Vaster than a hundred lines of Yeats.

Think that someone may bring a bear to your door,
Maybe wounded and deranged; or think that a moose
Has risen out of the lake, and he's carrying on his antlers
A child of your own whom you've never seen.

When someone knocks on the door, think that he's about
To give you something large: tell you you're forgiven,
Or that it's not necessary to work all the time, or that it's
Been decided that if you lie down no one will die.

-Robert Bly

Quiet as a mouse

2005-08-30T07:56:00.000-05:00

My roomate is a teacher and has been off for most of the summer, he is also a light sleeper. So on most mornings I get up before him and quietly pack up all my stuff for the day, and tiptoe out the door. Well when I say tiptoe I mean, I carry my very loud healed shoes to the front door before putting them on. I even walk in the grass instead of our walkway to prevent echoing footsteps back into his bedroom windows.

Today was no different in my description, with the exception of one tiny TINY detail. This morning as I reached my car to unlock it with my handy dandy "remote unlocker", (Yes that's a technical term), I ever so quietly hit the panic button instead....

*BEEP* *BEEP* *BEEP*!!!!!!

Ah well so much for trying to be considerate.

If only the holy spirit was a hit man

2005-08-25T12:07:00.000-05:00

Recently Pat Robertson "famed" evangelical speaker, has been back tracking on comments he made about assassinating Venezuelan President Chavez.

"I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should 'take him out,'" Robertson said on his show. "'Take him out' could be a number of things including kidnapping."

I love old people. :-)

New Mexico...cleaner than Old Mexico

2005-08-25T12:01:00.000-05:00

"A Mexican city at the heart of a raging drug war is trying to woo back jittery Texan day trippers by offering free bus tours with an armed police escort."

All good and well, smile everybody...until they shoot your police escort...then you might be fucked. I'm just sayin...

Four men and a little lady

2005-08-24T21:11:00.000-05:00

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Originally uploaded by whaala.

Recently I moved into a great house, with a great roomate, and well four men.....er....turtle men....er....mutant teenage ninja.....turtle.....uh men... Um yea anyway, you're totally jealous I can FEEL it.

I've been in the house now about 4 weeks, and really I don't even notice them anymore. Only at night when I turn out the lights and the small little glow in the dark stars come to life to highlight their AWESOME weaponary!!

Who needs creativity when you have real life like this I ask you?

Some Days

2005-08-18T12:19:00.000-05:00

Some days you just feel awkward. Today I feel awkward.

What can brown do for you?

2005-08-12T12:25:00.000-05:00

Make your day.

UPS guy: Sure is a nice cool day out there.
Me: Sure is.
UPS guy: It's suppose to be a lot cuter......UH! I mean hotter tomorrow.
Me: *smile* Yes, yes it is.

Thank you UPS guy. :-)

Destination Unknown as we pull in for some gas

2005-08-12T09:56:00.000-05:00

Being in Massachusetts a year now, the subtleties of the people here are still not lost on me. This is what I don't understand... Why is everyone walking so fast? It's weird to me to watch people walk fast into work. INTO WORK PEOPLE. I mean ok maybe I can understand this in the dead of winter when it's 10 degrees out. But, people seriously it's Friday, it's 75 degrees out, and you're just DYING to get into your cubicle behind your computer screen, so that someone can walk by 5 times a day and check that you're there? So that someone can schedule a whole slew of meetings for you one after another in dark cold rooms? Seriously? STOP IT!

I don't get it....but apparently life is a destination in Massachusetts rather than a journey. (feeling alittle philosophical there, don't worry someone will knock me off my high horse later)

My reputation, it precedes me

2005-08-09T14:35:00.000-05:00

What are friends for but to cheer you up mid afternoon sludge...

sam the mam
sam likes ham
sam gives no damn
sam drives a ram
sam's door goes slam
sam knows a girl named pam
sam says emerill says BAM
sam's car has a twin cam
sam loves her whole fam
sam likes toast with jam
sam's going on the lam
sam fought in nam
sam never ate a yam

\:D/

......I admit I really have never eaten a yam.....caught!

Mysteries of the Universe

2005-08-04T21:59:00.000-05:00

Why is it that no matter what, if you attempt to contact your friends and family when you are bored, or in need of a chat, or a leaning ear, they are NEVER available. Your own mother isn't even available as she's out with the rest of your family enjoying social together time. Wassup with that? I HAVE NEEDS PEOPLE!!!! Very NEEDY NEEDS!!!

Why is it also that when you can't possibly pick up the phone, or talk for very long, or are SLEEPING...they all call, like out of the damn woodwork these people.

Ah well in the famous words of my mother "Life isn't fair Samantha, you may as well just get over it."

You can obviously see I haven't gotten OVER IT!

In which time passes

2005-08-03T13:46:00.000-05:00

Recently I saw a Target commercial featuring the melody and hook from Sir Mix A Lot's famous rap song, "Baby Got Back"....

The commercial was for back packs....

Seriously?!

Sir Mix a Lot is a total sell out.

Law 398233940372899

2005-08-03T13:25:00.000-05:00

If you have recently purchased a new Buick, you may NOT put a NIN sticker on it's bumper.

One of the many laws I would in fact inact if I was a small Korean man with complete and utter ownership of my own small country, with my very own small penis.......

Lucky Lady

2005-07-27T08:14:00.000-05:00

Chelsea Clinton has been offered a dowry of 20 cows and 40 goats for her hand in marriage....

I wonder if she's going to take it?!

Nobody has ever offered ME that kind of sweet deal. 20 cows and 40 goats...the possibilities COULD be endless. *sigh*

In my ear

2005-07-22T09:39:00.000-05:00

If I had a religion it would be music. Many of my friends often ask me for song suggestions for parties and ask me what's on my iPod. So here's a few things I've been listening to lately that I highly recommend.

Citizen Cope This artist is originally from Memphis, TN. He's been around quite awhile but mostly behind the scenes, underground. Recently one of his songs was added to a Santana album. His latest Album called The Clarence Greenwood Recordings, is a mix of southern rock, blues, and some hip-hop/funk. I recommend "Bullet and A Target" or "Sideways". Many of his songs are available to listen to on his website and through iTunes.

The Mars Volta This group is originally from El Paso, TX. This group has also been around for awhile, and are somewhat obscure. And by obscure here I mean weird. Certinaly not for everyone. Their sound is a mix of classical industrial. Yea I know you're like what? Kinda hard to explain and catorgize them as they have a unique sound. They are all about the disturbing imagery. Their latest album called Frances the Mute is set in typical classical structure of arrangements and movements. They are known for mixing various languages with their unique sound. Their music is also available through their website and iTunes.

George Strait George (as we call him in Texas) is originally from San Antonio, TX. Now I know there isn't anything new or different about George Strait, but that's pretty much his appeal. George was and is a real cowboy, and although he rarely writes his own lyrics or music, he has a very unique ability to take another person's songs and make them completely his own. I've never known another artist like George to be able to put the same feeling into a song that he did not write himself. His latest album Somewhere down in Texas is a classic collection of traditionally written Texas flavor songs. The album includes an excellent Merle Haggard song called "The Seashores of Old Mexico". His music is available through his website and iTunes.

Now don't say I never gave ya nothin'. :-p

Law of the Land (RI)

2005-07-14T16:12:00.000-05:00

I was in Rhode Island breifly over the weekend:

In Rhode Island any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void. -SECTION 11-40-1

My favorite part of this law (well there are many obviously) is that it actually has a section number. I'm SOO moving to Rhode Island!

Weekend of Destruction

2005-07-06T12:54:00.000-05:00

The fourth of July is really an excellent holiday. A day in which not only do you get an extra day off of work (in my case two....suckers) but there is absolutely no obligation on this holiday to go see family or buy presents. In fact it's nearly expected in the American culture to instead get liquored up and blow things up. You just can't get more American than that.

So that's just what I did. I made it down to North Carolina, to visit my very good friends whom I love Jackie and the Hippie. I had a wonderful time with them, I always do, they both make up part of my chosen family.

The weekend consisted of preparations, execution, and detoxification of a 4th of July cookout. Friends, food, liquor....and more liquor.....and alittle more liquor, oh AND being 1/2 of the apathetic bouche ball team....can't beat that with a hard stick. Well you could but we'd probably still lose as typically neither Grant (my bouche ball partner in crime) nor I respond at all to threats of violence. In fact we'd probably double dog dare you to do it.

Of course a long weekend for me apparently cannot be succuessful without some good ole destruction. Count breaking a pilsner glass, shrinking a tablecloth, and my personal favorite puking on the lawn, and yet these people still allow me in their house. Ah well if they weren't crazy we probably wouldn't be friends.

I love you guys.

Law of the Land (TX)

2005-06-30T08:14:00.000-05:00

In Texas it's against the law to shoot someone in the back....

"You might not be able to shoot em in the back but you can shoot em in the leg until they turn around.....because eventually....they're gonna get curious" --Ron White

Did you know?

2005-06-27T08:33:00.000-05:00

Some band-aids have the following Caution on their packaging:

Caution: The Packaging of This Product Contains Natural Rubber Latex Which May Cause Allergic Reactions.

So how does that natural rubber latex thing work exactly? Are there like trees in Idaho somewhere that grow it? What's the harvest schedule on that? Inquiring minds want to know....

Law of the Land (MA)

2005-06-27T08:30:00.000-05:00

In Massachusetts it's against the law to have, maintain and use a grill on your deck.

Seriously people I can't make this stuff up.

Summer in New England

2005-06-26T11:26:00.000-05:00

Or as I like to call it Texas winter. So it's been hot here the last few days, I will certainly grant the new englanders that. No sarcastic double quotes around hot, but dude I've seen worse. You know during the depths of the New England winter just a few short weeks ago I was sure that by the time summer got here as it has today, people here would I dunno lighten up alittle....be....say....um....happy......maybe......because well I dunno......THE SUN IS OUT!!

You know the SUN, that big bright glowing thing that we haven't seen in oh say a good NINE months!!

Oh how niave I was to think this. No no there is no happiness in New England to be had even when the sun IS shinning. It's like a constant citizenship to Mudville here. Whinning and complaining about snow and ice and cold has now turned into similar sentiments about the heat. "It's too hot" "I can't go outside" "You can't do anything in this" I think maybe I'm missing a conspiricay? Do I perhaps not own the proper gear/fortitude to go out instead in the 24 INCHES OF FUCKING SNOW when my car thermostat reads ZERO!!

Seriously? I mean really are they serious? Hey I'm from Texas most days in the summer I'm glad to just walk outside and be able to functionally breath, because well frankly there are days in the summer in Texas where that's not really advisable.

Well would you lookie here, New England has taught me something......how to bitch. ;-)

Ah well no one said I couldn't learn something, I'll leave with this last exchange I overheard between a recently transplanted southerner and a new englander:

New Englander: Where are you from?
Arkansas Man: Arkansas ma'am.
New Englander: Ooohhh it's hot down there, I don't know how you stand it!
Arkansas Man: I don't know quite what you mean ma'am?
NewEnglander: Well it gets so hot down there in the summer you can't even open your car door!
Me to Arkansas man: Don't worry it gets so cold here that your door freezes shut!
New Englander to Me: dirty look
Me to New Englander: smirk

Random Thought

2005-06-26T11:18:00.000-05:00

In elementary and junior high I remember they use to give each of us a fitness test at some point in the year. One of the "measurements" was to see if you could touch your toes. Leave it to federal legislation to think up something so ingenious as this. Now twenty some odd years later I'm sitting here with my legs outstretched in front of me thinking: "Hey wait a minute if my legs were shorter and/or my arms were longer, I could certainly touch my toes no problem, what kind of test is THAT!!" Do you see what extra time on my hands does? Huh Huh?

Did you miss me?

2005-06-19T20:31:00.000-05:00

Well I finally did it. I took a vacation for the first time in a year. I guess you could call my 7 months of unemployment a vacation, but if you've ever been unemployed you know that's not a vacation. Why you may ask? Because see on a vacation not only are you "away" from work but you're also getting paid, going out to eat, buying little sovineirs. I can verify that while unemployed you are "away" from work but you are not getting paid or going out to eat, but you are collecting sovieners, slips of paper from the unemployment office mostly, oh and a whole lot of bitterness, does it show? ;-)

Anyway, vacation was great, back out to the west. Colorado to visit the family, home of big mountains, open spaces and 7 straight days of sunshine. Whoohoo! Funny the things you miss, and the shock you have when you finally have access to them, like some types of food, sunshine, space, even just the way people are, just nice to feel comfortable again even for a little while.

Frankly also it gave me perspective on this place too. I feel a lot better about it, not so trapped as I did before. Guess that is what vacations are really for....we'll see how long it lasts...you know me always the optimist. ;-)

Aren't you excited?

2005-06-05T20:10:00.000-05:00

I don't know why but no not really. I was offered a permanent position with the company I've been working for over the last year.

I got nothin.

In the news

2005-05-27T12:44:00.000-05:00

There's an article out today linking viagra to blindness, apparently wives tales are true.

When I grow up

2005-05-13T21:56:00.000-05:00

I want to be a pirate...

And work here...

And live here...

And fly this flag...

Annoying...

2005-05-11T09:30:00.000-05:00

I hate when I open an internet explorer window to look something up but get completely sidetracked because the song on my iPod just changed.

I always knew I had attention deficet disorder, but damn, really?!

When the syn·ap·ses stop firing

2005-05-05T07:20:00.000-05:00

Last night as I laid in bed still religiously trying to get over my cold and the resultant back ache it produced, I decided to get up for alittle sugar. M&M's to be exact. I keep a few small snack size packs around the house you know for the woman in me.

I still can't seem to eat a package of M&M's even at 28 years old and not think about the green ones as "the horny ones". Because well apparently even grade school boys can turn anything into a sexual reference.

Anyway, long after the chocolatey goodness had melted away in my mouth and not in my hand, my back began to spasm worse than it had been earlier. Not one to really like taking a lot of pills, had I taken advil when the pain first started perhaps 3 hours before, oh no of course not. It wasn't unitl the SPASMS started that it occured to me that perhaps I didn't want to be in pain. So once again I got out of bed, walked into the kitchen for some water to take the advil with, walked over to my dresser (water in hand) pulled out two advil threw them in my mouth and started full on chewing them.

YES CHEWING THE ADVIL, while holding a glass of water, like they were fucking cornflakes.... *sigh*

As you can imagine grossness insued, that will be the last time that I eat M&M's in delirium.

Anything else?

2005-05-01T14:32:00.000-05:00

You know I don't think it matters how old you get, when you get sick, all you really want is your mommy. Because well, that really is the only person on earth that is willing to stand in the same room with you and watch you puke and tell you it's gonna be ok. Your friends, well they will "be there" but that usually means on the other side of the closed door, asking every few minutes if you're ok, praying to god that you don't ask them to enter. And well we all know that having been friends standing on the other side of that door praying that we don't get asked, we ourselves are trying to hold back a certain amount of our own gag reflex everytime we hear you puke.

Anyway, so I'm sick this weekend, apparently I managed to catch something that started late on Friday night and has continued all through the weekend. Whoohoo for me! I want my mommy and some orange juice and some comfort food. *sigh* But alas there has been none of that.

I think really all of this bad karma happening presently in my life (or as I like to call it a series of my own life decisions that I don't want to take responsibility for therefore I subconsciously blame it on an eastern religious idea that I'm not sure I even beleive in) is due to some selling of my soul somewhere that I don't think I was completely present for, but obviously got a bad deal on. Well, and really duh! it is the devil mind you. (Now if that isn't serious subconscious blaming I don't know what is).

But I mean really, is there anything else besides the unstable job, living on the eastern seaboard (for it's lovely people and weather), having a boss that is incapable of being human, the bolts on your car rusting after JUST 1 FUCKING WINTER, meanwhile removing some of your tride and true coping mechanisms, and just finding out that they would now like to double you up with another employee in your cube that is smaller than your thumb, and that doesn't even cover all the stupidness of men I've dealt with since being here. I mean really, is there anything else? Anything?

Mom, are you out there....lol.

You know, Nyquil is perhaps stronger than I realized....

Perspective

2005-04-22T10:51:00.000-05:00

You know every once in awhile I puruse the personals online in different cities that I have lived in, just ya know to gauge what the current male population is like.

Today it was Austin, where I found the following:

being smart is sexy
being a smartass is sexier

I think I have found my soulmate, what do you think? ;-)

Pink Elephants

2005-04-19T21:33:00.000-05:00

You know being alone with a very active imagination is seemingly always detrimental. You see it's been rather tough up here in New England to find just normal people to hang out with. I can't quite decide if it's the people or the weather, or the heavy salt in the air (you know that somehow seeps into their brains and leeches every kindness that could ever possibly exist).

Of course it also hasn't really helped that I've been basically living out of a box for way longer than I ever thought I'd be, practically willing and ready to pick up at any moment and head back to where I came from.

Either way, this has led to some rather interesting evenings, in my box, alone. It's amazing what one's mind can cook up, from everything from I must be a drug addict (even though I've never taken a drug that wasn't prescribed to me), to maybe if I stayed here just alittle longer I really could meet, and fall in love with and marry a rich man. ;-) Do you see the delusions? It's quite unhealthy, I shouldn't really be left to myself, but I digress.

Last night in particular due to particular chain of events that perhaps I'll elaborate on at a later date when I'm more removed from this current box living, I have surely convinced myself, that as soon as I gain inner happiness and outer beauty that I will die a most vivid and painful death from none other than a lethal combination of paranoia and hypocondria.

Oh yes I'm sure of it, no blood test needed.

Hearing

2005-04-17T20:56:00.000-05:00

Pressure Chief by Cake

Ex-Girlfriends by The Low Millions

See if I Care by Gary Allan

Good News For People Who Love Bad News by Modest Mouse

Mix Tape

2005-04-13T08:49:00.000-05:00

I think I could have made a mix tape of before-eight-am-noises outside of my apartment this morning. It would have gone something like this:

Track 1) 5:30 AM
Highlights: 1 of 3 dumpsters being dumped which includes the annoying back up *beep beep beep* sisters, followed by the glass/trash shake.

Track 2) 5:45 AM
Highlights: 2 of 3 construction dumpters being loaded, which includes the annoying back up *beep beep beep* sisters, followed by the scrape scrape onto a flat bed truck, culminating in the grandiose crash of the gong like finale.

Track 3) 6:00 AM
Highlights: 3 of 3 dumpsters being dumped which includes the annoying back up *beep beep beep* sisters followed by the glass/trash shake, much like track 1

Track 4) 6:15 AM
Highlights: New flat bed diesel engine truck arrives with replacement construction dumpster, this is much like Track 2, a nice retrograde.

Track 5) 6:30 AM
Highlights: Roofing crew begins to show up which starts with in a metzo forte of low murmured voices, leading ever so slightly into a crescendoing drop of a trailer gate onto the solid ground.

Track 6) 7:00AM
Highlights: Parking lot crew begins to show up starting suddenly allegro with a yell across the parking lot, swiftly changing to directing a diesel engine dumptruck into place with a not so subtle feature of the beep beep beep sisters.

Track 7) 7:15 AM
Highlights: Last but certainly not least, the great neighbor above. I hadn't heard a good track from him since the night before in which he see-sawed on the noisiest plank in his apartment. This morning's rendition, however, was priceless. It began with a soft pattering of feet, quickly crescendoing into a full sprint from one side of the above apartment to the other, introducing a slight fermata only by the slamming of the sliding glass door, followed by another crescendoing of full sprint, ending in an all exciting forte cadence door slamming.

Magic I tell you pure magic this tape was. I can't get the dissonance out of my head it was that memorable.

Night of the Sun

2005-04-06T08:21:00.000-05:00

This whole time change thing really has done me more harm than good, while I like still seeing light when I get out of the gym now, I'm still trying to get use to the sleep deprivation after 3 days.

*yawn*

As my father told me not to long ago. "Farmers just hate that extra hour of sunlight, it just burns up their crops."

I know how they feel. ;-)

Dirty Laundry

2005-03-31T10:48:00.000-05:00

Terri Schiavo
Originally uploaded by whaala.

I make my living off the evening news
Just give me something-something I can use
People love it when you lose,
They love dirty laundry

Well, I coulda been an actor, but I wound up here
I just have to look good, I don't have to be clear
Come and whisper in my ear
Give us dirty laundry

Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em all around

We got the bubble-headed-bleach-blonde who
Comes on at five
She can tell you 'bout the plane crash with a gleam
In her eye
It's interesting when people die-
Give us dirty laundry

Can we film the operation?
Is the head dead yet?
You know, the boys in the newsroom got a
Running bet
Get the widow on the set!
We need dirty laundry

You don't really need to find out what's going on
You don't really want to know just how far it's gone
Just leave well enough alone
Eat your dirty laundry

Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're stiff
Kick 'em all around

Dirty little secrets
Dirty little lies
We got our dirty little fingers in everybody's pie
We love to cut you down to size
We love dirty laundry

We can do the innuendo
We can dance and sing
When it's said and done we haven't told you a thing
We all know that crap is king
Give us dirty laundry!

Lyrics courtesy of Don Henley's "Dirty Laundry"

I've been told

2005-03-27T18:31:00.000-05:00

I hate being told what to do. I have always hated being told what to do. I think I get it from my father, he also hates being told what to do, especially by my mother. I often remember him telling my mother once when I was a teenager, "stop running my train".

That makes me laugh now when I think about that, and sometimes I think that same statement when someone is telling me what to do, like I thought yesterday when I was at the gym.

The gym I attend has recently instituted this new policy requiring not only to sign in at the front desk, but also when you enter the weight machine area. Although the weight machine area is itself it's own room within the gym, it has 2 entrances. In front of one of the entrances the gym staff has instantiated this table to sign in at as you come in. The first time I saw the table I was a "good citizen" and signed in. Fine whatever.

I think the gym itself must have had an incident earlier in the week of someone getting hurt and no one being able to identify the person in the gym. So apparently the solution is this whole sign in procedure, so you know the staff can know who's in the room. After I signed in the first time I found it all alittle ridiculous, for the following reasons:

1) Almost all gyms in America have no system to identify a person once they've entered the gym. It's not like any of us who workout in a gym carry around our driver's license on us, or any type of identification for that matter. That all gets left in the car or the locker room or at home.

2) This particular gym has 2 entrances, so if you happen to sneak through the stretching room (which I'm considering) you could totally bypass the table never sign in and no one know the wiser.

3) What does signing in do anyway? Let's say I'm in the gym like I was on Saturday and there are 5 other women in there (as there were) with me. If I pass out on the elliptical machine (which I was also considering), how long is it going to take to really identify me? Will it even be possible with so many people constantly in and out of the room that although sign in never sign out? You could have up to 20 to 40 names on a sign in sheet all while you're trying to figure out who I am and who's in or out of the room itself. Somewhat ridiculous don't you think?

Yes it is, this doesn't prevent, however, (the next time I walked into the weight room, and bypassed the sign in table without even a glance and walked right up on the treadmill), me getting told to do it anyway. I was just about to start the treadmill when this short pimple (yes pimple on my ass) of a man walked up to me and asked me to sign in. I lamely began to argue that I had already signed in at the front desk, but it was no use to argue with this pimple. This pimple was a RULE pimple, follow the RULES because they are THERE, and they should be FOLLOWED pimple. The pimples who like to run other people's trains! Even if it is stupid in principle as well as practice. So I was told.

Man, I hate getting told what to do...especially by pimples.

A vehicle

2005-03-25T17:14:00.000-05:00

Gourmet_cheese
Originally uploaded by whaala.

Laughing cow is a company that makes a great line of cheese products, and maybe other things as well, but I'm too addicted to their cheese right now to really know.

Recently I've become addicted to their new "Gourmet Cheese and Baguettes." I've been eating them as snacks during the day at work. At first I thought that the little baguettes were scrumptous, which they are, but now I'm completely convinced that the baguettes really are just vehicles. Vehicles for the cheese. Mmm cheese.

Other Vehicles that you may not be aware of:

Taco Bell tacos and burritos are vehicles for hot sauce.

Fresh strawberries, rasberries, or blackberries, all vehicles for whip cream.

The movie theatre, a vehicle for heart-attack 3 times popcorn.

College, a vehicle for pizza and ramen noodles.

The Internet, a vehicle for time wastage.

Blogs, a vehicle to make up words like "wastage".

Blog Irony

2005-03-22T22:16:00.000-05:00

Doesn't it seem wrong that your blog editor that you write your blog entries into, has a spell checker that doesn't recognize the word blog or blogging or blogger.

The phone, it doesn't stop ringing

2005-03-22T21:03:00.000-05:00

You know there is nothing like apartment living to really make you hate the entire human race. There is also nothing like apartment living to make you realize how truly insane all of humanity is.

Here in Massachusetts I live in a very small space. I mean VERY SMALL. I say this because it is my belief that the small the space you live in, the thinner your walls must be. It's like the missing law of averages or physics, or life.

Recently I met my neighbor, a slight woman whom after 8 months of being my neighbor and seeing me often enough to talk to me but never saying anything, said to me "Hi I'm Michele, if you ever need anything let me know." I find this statement rather ironic, as well, I'VE BEEN HERE FOR EIGHT MONTHS NOW. Any help I would have needed would most likely have been EIGHT MONTHS AGO. Ah but I digress, people they are funny things.

Anyway, my said neighbor, Michele, who is actually come to found out from Texas, she is a little odd. This by the way is one of the reasons I have never had a roommate since college. My neighbors have always been weird, WEIRD, and well Michele is no different. Michele, walks her cat, no not on a leash, the cat walks, and she (Michele) walks behind it while reading a book. Yes odd. Meanwhile I am now convinced that she traffics drugs, or sex or, I dunno maybe yarn, or perhaps just cat nip. Who knows but her god damn phone RINGS ALL THE GOD DAMN TIME.

Who is calling this cat following, walk while reading, odd, slight, ex-Texan? And what's more, who is calling her SO much that it has made me write a whole blog post about just how annoying apartment living and neighbors and frankly phones can be.

*sigh*

One thing I've learned from apartment living is that it does no use to speak to the said neighbor about your said annoyance, because well frankly it is already obvious that they are too inconsiderate to care by owning a phone containing the loudest ringtone ever invented! So in my best passive aggressive mentality, I throw a porn in and turn it up. :-)

I wonder if Michele is over there right now blogging about how her annoying neighbor Samantha she believes is addicted to sex, or porn, or both. heh.

Ok ok fine I'll turn it off, I know it's childish, but MY GOD THAT FUCKIN PHONE!

Updated

2005-03-17T15:44:00.000-05:00

My friend Tom C. told me to UPDATE MY BLOG yesterday.

This is by no way an appeasement to Tom, however, Tom mentioned that he checks my blog everyday to passively get updated on my life.

I check it everyday too for passive updates to my life, but they just don't really seem to come as often as I would like. ;-)

2005-03-06T17:43:00.000-05:00

test

Overheard

2005-02-28T09:46:00.000-05:00

Overheard this weekend in target:

In the snowboard and sled aisle, "Mom I'VE WANTED TO SNOWBOARD MY WHOLE LIFE!!"
Courtesy of a 7 yr old boy. He's wanted to snowboard his WHOLE LIFE, all SEVEN years of it.

In the greeting card aisle, "Mom, remember that one time we were here and you broke that thing."

I think I might have too much pride to have children.

Is it wrong

2005-02-24T08:35:00.000-05:00

Is it wrong to want to feign sickness, your own death, a horrible car accident, or even worse the death of a family member to get out of going to work?

Just curious.

Silver Lining

2005-02-16T14:17:00.001-05:00

As my friends would tell you, it’s a rare moment when I find the silver lining in something. A VERY rare moment.

However, I thought that I would share with you the recent silver lining I found, you will be stunned I know.

Yesterday my friend Jackie and I were discussing the possible reasons for the death of a stranger we had read about. Yea, don’t ask how we get into these things, it's the internet it breeds this sort of thing trust me. Anyway, one of Jackie’s thoughts was perhaps the person in question had had an aneurysm. This led into a whole discussion about people we knew who had aneurysms. A cousin of Jackie’s, a great aunt of mine. Uplifting conversation I know, what can I say this is why we are friends we appreciate the morbid fascination in things.

As the conversation waned, I said, hey at least with an aneurysm you die rather quickly, there is something to be said for that. And that right there people is my ability to find the silver lining. I may not be able to find ANY silver lining in my own life, but damn I can find some silver lining in death.

That has certificate of appreciation written all over it.

Happy Black Monday*

2005-02-14T10:00:00.000-05:00

a.k.a the day established to all inclusively make everyone feel bad whether you're in a relationship or not.

I read in the Boston Globe yesterday that Boston is the "lovingest" city according to Hallmark. The most Valentine cards per capita are sold in Boston. Now that my friends is the definition of irony. Or perhaps just a true sign that people in Boston feel damn guilty for the piss poor attitudes against their fellow man.

*On a side note I'd like to thank my friend Jon, for providing the inspiration for today's title. We have ourselves had a fabulously bitter email exchange, appropriate I think atleast for my own bitterness, and well Jon so kindly humors my bitterness. It goes as follows, note it has been edited for content and well hilarity.

Sam: Good Morning (note the lack of any mention of the holiday)
Jon: Good Morning. Happy V Day. (that bastard)
Sam: Thank you, same to you, and bah hum bug (bastard)
Jon: I wasn't sure if I should have said Happy Black Monday instead, but I figured I'd try and stay positive. (Aww he tries)
Sam: Have I mentioned that I hate this holiday? I don't even know why I am thinking about it, because it's no different than any other day.
Jon: You've hinted at it.
Jon: If it were a weekend, I'd recommend a 36 hour bender. That's worked in the past.
Sam: Mmm bender, so tempting. I even unknowingly wore a red sweater today, pisses me off.
Jon: Look at you, subliminally in the spirit. Eros would be proud.
Sam: If only it weren't illegal to shoot myself.
Jon: Maybe in this case the red can symbolize blood?
Sam: You are a genius man, pure genius man. The blood that would spill today if I weren't so apathetic
Jon: Too lazy to cause mortal and prolific harm to others. Now THAT's a sign of psychosis.

(No just a significant sign of strong will, and ok maybe a healthy fear of prison)

Happy Valentine's Day Jon, you are fabulous. :-)

Train Wreck

2005-02-07T13:58:00.000-05:00

After watching all the lame superbowl commercials this year (the only real reason to watch the superbowl), I began to flip around the channels and found a train wreck in progress that I just couldn't turn away from.

The Puppy Bowl on Animal Planet was in full swing. Where puppies apparently played and ran and humped, and were "penalized" for their messes and rough housing. Oh no I am not kidding, if only I wish this were associated with some sort of drug induced hallucination...if only.

Seriously, people, I mean I am a dog lover. A serious DOG LOVER, with an awesome dog, but dude, a puppy bowl? Is our culture really that degenerate, are there people out there who watched this whole thing in it's entirety? I want to meet them...and slap them.

How could you justify swallowing

2005-02-02T14:16:00.000-05:00

This better give me an orgasm that no man could compete with.

This > < Close

2005-01-21T10:50:00.000-05:00

For all of you out there who might think for one second, just ONE second that I am cool in any way, shape, or form, this post will completely negate that. I know I can tell you want to read ahead because you just can't wait.

For those of you who really know me, you will only shake your head because you know the extent of my dorkdum at times. I know what you're thinking "At Times?!?!" All I have to say to you people is shut up! :-p

Ok, so perhaps alittle prequel to my fall from grace, I think (well ok I know) I have a thing for cowboys sometimes. You know the way guys have a thing for like cheerleaders or hooter girls or whatever. You wouldn't necessarily take the hooter girl home to Mom, but that doesn't mean you haven't in-the-first-3-seconds-of-holding-her-in-your-line-of-sight thought of every possible....um I digress.

Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh right cowboys.

So part of my normal morning routine is to get up and turn on VH1 or MTV in hopes that the apocalypse has finally happened and that they are in turn playing videos. One such morning I was lucky enough to encounter such an event, and VH1 was playing the tail end of the latest Nelly/Tim McGraw collaboration on a song called Over and Over again.

Now, while I haven't honestly paid much attention to Tim McGraw as a cowboy or an artist, I sat down to watch. I don't know if somehow VH1 has figured out a way to lace their videos with cocaine or I was just still recovering from being awake, but I swear to GOD that Tim McGraw looked RIGHT at ME! He tilted his head underneath that black hat, and gave that sort of half elvis lip curl and that was it. I was hooked and sad to say still am.

Once I got to work that day I found the full video online, and have since played it an obscene number of times, always catching that little lip curl at the end.

Um yea....so are you ready? Ready for the end to all my coolness...here it is:

I'm about this > < close to going out and buying a Tim McGraw poster and hanging it on the ceiling, oh yea I am soooo close.

What 1 degree means to me

2005-01-18T09:18:00.000-05:00

1 pair thermal underwear pants
1 pair thick corduroy pants
1 pair thin polyester socks
1 pair thick cotton socks
1 bodysuit
1 polyester/cotton blend sweater
1 cotton sweatshirt (I use to wear when weather got "cold" in Texas)
1 fleece zip up jacket
1 cotton lined zip up jacket
1 scarf wrapped 3 times
1 hat
1 pair gloves
1 pair snow boots
The heat in my car NOT kicking in, until I get to work....priceless

5:48 A.M.

2005-01-17T16:48:00.000-05:00

The time the neighbor living above chose to apparently spontaneously jump out of bed and run to the front door. Not that I would have minded this necessarily, IF IT DIDN'T SOUND LIKE EVERY STEP WAS COMING THROUGH MY CEILING ONTO MY HEAD.

I digress.

The Snow and I

2005-01-12T10:16:00.000-05:00

I have officially lost count of how many times it has snowed here now. And I realized a few things this morning as I once again cleaned off my truck, for what seems like the upteenth time this week.

The first time it snowed here, I will admit I was kinda excited, it was fluffy and pretty and a beautiful clean clear white. Being from Texas as you may or may not be able to imagine, I didn't have much experience with snow, so I didn't know any better back then...in November.

But since then oh I've learned a few things...

1) The first time I cleaned off my truck, I took my time, scraped all the windows, brushed off the top and the hood, dusted off he bumpers and the fenders, so you know I would be safe and safe to other drivers, blah blah blah. Today, if I could have gotten away with it, I would have just sat in my car and run the windshield wipers until the front window was clear, but because of the thickness of snow, I had to get out, and brush the window off and do a little scraping (only the front window mind you). Screw the top, the sides, the hood, the everything. Enough already!

2) There are few things more annoying than the constant scraping of a snow plow outside your apartment window about every 2 to 4 hours. EVERY 2 TO 4 HOURS!! *scrap* *scrap* *sssscccrraaaaaaaappppppp* This is what insanity looks like people.

3) The one thing more annoying than the snow plow, is the guy who parks his car right underneath your awning scraping his windshield at 6 am in the morning. *scrap* *scrap* *scrap* Can't you just lick it off?!

4) Snow in your hair is kinda cute and sort of sexy, it's when it sticks to your jacket and your gloves and then gets on your leather seats that kinda becomes annoying. Ok really more than annoying, more like enraging, this car was expensive god damnit, I don't want melting snow anywhere IN IT or NEAR IT! *deep breaths*

5) When your Point A to Point B walking paths are now covered by stacked 20 foot snow banks from the parking lot, there is no love for the snow anymore! None. No. Not uh. Never.

I have officially become a new englander in my attitude toward the snow "When is this shit gonna end!?!"

Ode to Bed

2005-01-10T14:11:00.000-05:00

Oh how I love thee Bed
So warm and cozy and soft
Oh how I love your sweet smell
The smell of sleep

Oh how you cocoon me in love
Not like that gushy love
Not like that have to put up with your crap love
Just that non judgemental
Come to me child
Love.

Oh how your sheets are like
a cool pond in the heat of summer
And a warm crackling fire
in the depths of winter

Oh how you embrace thee
With no harsh words or sounds
Well except for the alarm clock
But that's really not your fault

Oh how I wish you could hold one more
Ah well
Maybe tomorrow
Maybe tomorrow.

A little bit older

2005-01-03T21:06:00.000-05:00

It's a new year and I am alittle bit older, I guess we all are. If you think this is going to be a post about revelation and rejuvination in the new year, I suggest you stop reading now. I'm in a sad mood, and feel like doing nothing but reflecting.

It's music that has put me here, as usual. I'm sure you all have a particular song or 10 that remind you of a place, a person an event....

The one that I heard today reminds me of relationships...my relationships. Funny thing about being single, you spend a lot of time (I'm sure unhealthy) thinking. Thinking about people you've dated, thinking what went wrong, remembering why it all went wrong. And for the most part you know it's the right thing in the long run. Life, however, is so hard to look at in the long run. It's tough to not get wrapped up in this moment right now, thinking that it will never pass, that you will be stuck forever. I know though that this is mearly a state of mind. One that seems at times uncontrolable but a state of mind nonetheless.

Three of my ex-boyfriends have become engaged before the turn of this new year. It's probably hitting me harder than I'm willing to admit, mostly because of my current state of instability I suppose. It's alittle much to take, but at the same time I guess good to get it over with all at once.

It's certinaly not how I imagined it to be, but then again I guess it never is.

Such a strong little girl

2004-12-31T16:15:00.000-05:00

All the courage and strength in the world can't fill the loneliness or even make it subside for just one minute. I want to believe in love and all the good that they tell me comes with that. I do beleive in love for other people. J&J. S&T, T&K, but for me, I dunno...maybe someday, just not right now, and not right here, and not at all.

Just realized...

2004-12-29T13:57:00.000-05:00

I just realized that this is the first time ever. EVER. That I have worked the week between Christmas and New Years. EVER! And now I'm finding out why. It's like working saturday over and over again 5 days in a row, with the one exception that the lights are on. (The lights usually aren't turned on over the weekend...*sigh* the life of a contractor) As usual I digress.

Anyway, I myself have survived the holidays, with only one back handed compliment from my mother as follows:

When I get stressed around my family I have a tendancy to pull at my eyebrow, this is to cause myself pain in order to ignore the pain in the ass that my family is. You may say this is strange, I'd like to just think of it as one of my many unique qualities. Anyway, imagine me presently tugging at my eyebrow....

Mother: Quit pulling your eyebrow.
Me: Huh? What? As I come back to reality from my plotting of death
Mother: STOP PULLING YOUR EYEBROW.
Me: I wish mothers had a mute button
Me: Oh! Right.
Mother: They were too thin last time you were home, they look better now, leave them alone.
Me: Oh really? Rolling my eyes. Thanks Mom, you always know how to make me feel better.

May you survive

2004-12-23T10:08:00.000-05:00

I thought long and hard (ok neither did I think long or hard about this) about naming this entry "Happy Holidays" or "Merry Chirstmas" or "Happy Chanukah" "Happy Kwanza", but um yea why would I be so cheery? You know better.

Besides we all know that Christmas this year has come retardly fast. Yes that's right I just said "retardly fast" in a post about Chirstmas. God come down and strike me I dare you, it wouldn't be any worse than what a New Englander could do to me at this point. These people are SERIOUS up here!

Anyway, I wish you all much happiness, wellness and ability to retain sanity through the next two days. May you not choke your little sister when she jumps on your bed early Chirstmas morning. May you not feel the repercussions of your mother commenting on your thighs in t-minus 3 minutes before christmas dinner. May you endure your father giving your mother a snowblower for christmas and not the diamond tennis braclet she wanted. May you show good face when you get something you totally think asinine. May you get some, cause god knows I won't be. STRIKE ME! STRIKE ME! I digress.....

Most of all may you survive to begin another year all over again. :-)

Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah (even though it's over) and what the the hell, Happy Kwanza, you politically correct hippies.

6 inces and counting.

2004-12-20T14:25:00.000-05:00

Someone on the way into work asked me "you bring this snow all the way from texas?" of which I responded with a very sarcastic and very emphatic: "No if I were in Texas right now, I'd be in bed....ASLEEP!" Indeed.

The little things

2004-12-20T13:47:00.000-05:00

A few little things that make me happy:

Finding more pants like the ones you love even though it’s been months since you bought the first pair.

Sheets with definable patterns, so you know they can only possibly go one way on the bed. No guessing which way is which. Let the dorkdum begin.

Visiting NYC at Christmas – They go all out. It is truly AWESOME.

Having the best seat in the house at a restaurant.

The internet, god it’s GREAT!

When people are nice even though they don’t have to be.

When someone just knows you need a hug without you having to say a word.

Books. Books. More Books. Considering selling soul to Barnes and Noble.

When you make someone else smile.

Damnit.

2004-12-17T10:21:00.000-05:00

Broke a nail today while taking out the trash and scraping ice/snow off my car. While I'm not as much of a girly girl as most, that still really annoys me. Where are the men?

Sleeping through the country music

2004-12-16T11:06:00.000-05:00

I have just had some GREAT sleep. Tylenol PM, my new friend, thank you for 10 hours of straight unconsciousness, and thanks to me for turning off my cell phone. I have unfortunately have been letting a few things get to me more than I should. You know the usual bullshit from life and people in your life that around this time of year is alittle too much for EVERYONE. It probably hasn't helped either that I've been listening to nothing but straight country music lately. Cause God knows that's some uplifting shit.

Case in point my latest favorite song:

Slept in my makeup
Didn't get my teeth brushed
I crashed on the couch
And now my mouth tastes like yesterday's news

Well hello Jim Beam
Oh the places you've seen
If only you could talk
You'd tell me why he walked out on me and you

Oh the things lovers do when it's over
Oh the things lovers do when it's done
Find a cool bottle or a warm shoulder
Wake up older
And try to move on

I drove around last night
Thinkin' 'bout our last fight
I cruised by your house
And all the lights were out and you were gone

So I found me a stranger
With his comforting danger
But I thought about you
The whole time we were gettin' it on

Oh the things lovers do when it's over
Oh the things lovers do when it's done
Find a cool bottle or a warm shoulder
Wake up older
And try to move on
Find a cool bottle or a warm shoulder
Wake up older

So uplifting huh? Yea bring on more tylenol, maybe I can just sleep through 30?

The sands of time.

2004-12-09T09:37:00.000-05:00

I distinctly remember telling my 18-yr-old self: 18-yr-old self, you will never, NEVER grow up to NOT appreciate the younger generation's music.

*gasp*. Here I am nearly ten years later...soooo not appreciating the younger generation's music. *gasp - need air c-a-n-n-o-t breatheeee*

Thinking things like:

This isn't music.
Who listens to this shit?
God, MTV SUCKS!
What are they saying?
Those girls look like they are 12, OMG those girls ARE 12!
What are they wearing?
I miss the classics like green day and soundgarden. *shudder*
Is that new lead singer of that band that I don't know wearing a pearl jam t-shirt, like Eddie Vedder use to except he wore like Jim Morrison or Jimi Hendrix t-shirts! OMG!
Is Hillary Duff really covering an eighties song THAT I REMEMBER?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! This can't be happening.

*click click* There's no place like home.
*click click* There's no place like home.

Hmmm...not working. *sigh*

Words cannot describe

2004-12-07T09:33:00.000-05:00

There's nothing quite like being woken up in mid alarm snoozing (on a work day) to the sound of someone scraping their windshield with what sounds like a high pitched buzz saw.

It's reasons like these that people go out and buy hand guns. Seriously people, go back to bed.